All those strange people who like marmite will be proven freaks after the conclusion of a 15 year study conducted at the UEA. NCFC to keep a clean sheet without SB in the team With NCFC top by 8pts at Xmas, Delia takes to the pitch at half time a couple of sherries too many and starts shouting Easy, Easy you shut up at the rather confused looking palace fans as we sit 7-0 up. NCFC get taken over by an american consortium who waste no time in changing our name to the Norfolk vikings. After repeat massed protests the yanks up sticks and calling it their franchise move the Vikings to Ipswich saying that the one way system is pretty and that there is no team of consequence there to compete with and that the area is a sleeping giant ready to awaken! NCFC to change our goal celebration music to Duran duran - Hungrey like a wolf MOTD to actually screen NCFC 2nd even though we played a side outside of the top 5 and Liverpool Lius Saurez to take umbridge with a ball boy who doesn't pass him the ball quickly enough, is only halled off the boy in question after he has devoured 2/3 of his right leg. Latter Liverpool defend him by saying the kid should man up, that he's a pansy and it wasn't Saurez fault! Arsenal still try but fail to buy him in January! John Terry with more time on his hands not playing every match sleeps with 30% of the premier league WAGS. Becchio voted player of the season for NCFC after breaking all club scoring records Harry Rednapp will cease to exist after finally dissapearing all the way up his own A#se Carrabuh and Beef actually turn out to be one person with Dissociative identity disorder and with help in future may post under one identity of Carrabeef A visiting team will actually be awarded a penalty at old trafford now Frankenfergie has left. After an eleven year study at the university of York, marmite was proven to be darned tasty stuff and those who dislike it to be stunted in the taste bud department. ITFC to change their goal celebration music to; the specials - ghost town Harry Rednapp to still be in charge of QPR in May Chuck Norris to remove a latex mask to reveal David McNally Col U Mike to lose a small part of his bitterness toward NCFC Ryan Giggs, now aging and playing less games will maintain his fitness by sleeping with the other 70% of WAGS from the PL Arsenal to win something, No really anything really, a gold fish at a travelling fair would do! With Manure tailing City by 12pts by Xmas London actually changes colour from red to blue. Australians go into mourning after a 5th test thumping. All Aussies retreat to tie their kangaroos down by a billabong. Unfortunitely this leads to chaos in london as no one can get a drink anywhere. In a fit of despiration for goals after a poor start to the season, paolo Di Canio signs Sebastian the Orangutan in the January transfer window who goes on to top score and stave off relegation Bah!
great post carrabuh and consider yourself both 'off the ignore list' and 'repped' for this particular ditty... "League One is sponsored by London Zoo Primates or PG Tips" my serious prediction for the season: carrabuh will enjoy at least three home premier league games at carrow road, an increase of 300% on last season
Hate to be the one to point it out Supers, but a 300% increase of 0 is still 0. Sorry to bring everyone back to reality
We have a stats thread for that sort of pedantery! Bah! p.s. Bradley Johnson bouyed by his pre season goal scoring form will have a go from 30 yrds and bring down a russian spy satellite
i was working on the premise that he'd enjoyed at least one match last season but now you mention it you're probably right! and maths never was my strong point
I do recall I had a slight upward tilt on one side of my mouth when we beat United. It may have been due to a coincidental releasing of wind however.
NCFC WONKY aka Carla Canary comes back as a REX_CANARY, claiming to be Tony Spearings pet dog. Delighted by someone else who remembers the nightmare that was Spearing!
Michael Owens prediction from the daily mail "Last season's 11th place finish for Norwich must be respected, but finishing any higher this year is highly unlikely. The relegation scrap remains a possibility, but the club's new record signing, Ricky Van Wolfswinkel, from Sporting Lisbon should be able to propel the Canaries out of the danger zone and towards the top half of the table." We won't beat last year, could be in relegation but should head towards the top half.
Unfortunately any quote from Michael Owen should automatically be ignored on the grounds that it will be far too silly. All of our predictions are therefore far more likely to be accurate. So, to continue... Aliens invade the Earth. They demand that two thirds of our population be handed over as slaves and the planet's core be strip-mined for its mineral resources. David McNally negotiates them down to instead accept the management franchise of a small Travelodge just outside Diss. Beefy and Supers attempt to stage a re-enactment of the end of The Wicker Man. Their attempts to re-cast the Edward Woodward character as a pedantic, long-ball-hating worrywort are thwarted when their first choice is revealed to be Chris Hughton posting on the internet under a pseudonym for ****s 'n giggles. (Nobody on the Not606 board is really that surprised). Ipswich fans successfully appeal in the European Courts for the implementation of Schrodinger's Championship. Following the principle that any club, including Ipswich, can potentially be League Champions without needing to wait for the actual conclusion of the competition, Marcus Evans has his club crowned with the title in October. However the victory celebrations are brought to an abrupt end when Harry Redknapp has the award overturned on the grounds that he "...don't understand nuffink about any of this and anyway apples 'n pears I'm a loveable rogue and honest as the days is long dontcherknow". The BBC (as always) agree with Uncle 'Arry and the FA award the title to QPR instead. Norwich fans don't know whether to laugh or cry. Bradley Johnson's sixteenth miss-hit shot of the campaign ends up entering the Hadron Collider at a speed that ends up conclusively proving that the Higgs-Bosun "God particle" only exists in theory and not in he real world. (So exactly the same as Joey Barton's current re-invention as a hardworking, unselfish squad player and actual human being) Delia Smith achieves Sainthood. (Nobody from Norwich is really that surprised) Our player of the season turns out to be, rather than one of our lauded new signings, a hardworking journeyman with perhaps a little less skill but a world of bravery and commitment and an aptitude for covering across our back line and occasionally marauding down the right to make or score a goal or two. England qualify for the World Cup. Sepp Blatter disqualifies England from the competition for playing in white too often which is obviously racist and contrary to the spirit of the bribe... ...did I say bribe? I meant bung. Dammit. No, I meant spirit of the backhander... ...cock. Marcus Evans is finally revealed to be Luke Skywalker's father. (Nobody, anywhere, is really that surprised)
"say something positive, say something negative. make a 'sit on the fence' prediction, praise a signing. contradict everything you've just said." classic punditry
