Off Topic Poetry Corner

[sheffordqpr]

Just for a laugh or a wheeze
And in tribute to our own TeD
I decided that we should
Have a poetry thread

The rules of engagement are quite clear
But allow me to take the time
Now to point out to you that
All your ditties have to rhyme

I know that rule written above
May not allow dear Ted in
But lets be honest
Don't some of his poems do your f***ing head in?

It's just a joke and no offence is meant
We all love a laugh and them some
So put pen to paper, and don't be idle
That's it, pull out your thumb

All entries are surely welcome
No judgement will be made by me
Perhaps a mod may take that charge
Even for a tiny fee

So climb on board, give it a go
And you may even find
That we have a Rangers poster
Good enough for Mastermind!

I feel that I have said enough
And now my poems' over
I must just add that if the Rs go up
I'll be in f***ing clover!

 

[Hoops Eternal]

This is one I prepared earlier for the Dave Thomas thread.

With socks down at his ankles
That he didn't win more England caps always rankles
His trickery mesmerised the opposition
And often beat them into submission
His crosses always hit the spot
From which we scored more often than not
He is only about five foot two
But when you played against him you always knew
As a defender you'd be turned inside out
Which would usually result in a rout

 

[Sooperhoop]

Once upon a time in the west -

There once was a team in the west
Featuring Stanley, Gerry and the rest
Everyone knew the dangers
Of facing the Rangers
They were quite simply the best...

 

[sheffordqpr]

There is a house in New Orleans
They call The Rising Sun
I could continue but I think
Someones already done that one.

 

[Rangers Til I Die]

The story begins in ten / eleven
11 brave men and promotion heaven.
We're near the top and there we will stay.
No points deduction. Hip, hip hooray.

It's goodbye Neil and thanks a bunch.
Sparky's in when it came to the crunch
We spend, spend, spend. How much is enough?
We knew survival would always be tough.

We wait til Stoke, Cisse CISSE
One game to go at daunting Citeh.
Down to ten men thanks to Joey Barton.
We're safe anyway though poor old Bolton.

'Never again on my watch' Sparky cries.
Seventeen matches, my how the time flies!
Adel rescues pride 'gainst the Fulhamites
Too late for Sparky. Ambition flies.

Shining white knight, oh Harry we cry.
Let's spend loads of money. There's lots in that pie.
'Well it's difficult ' he squirmes as he spends some more.
Despite all the above, we're still on the trap door.

And so the drop eventually feels fine.
It's nice to win some from time to time.
Wigan away and then at The Loft.
To Wembley we go but Derby aren't soft.

A Wembley day, Oh rapturous joy
It's Bobby again, that fantastic boy!!
We'll build and crack on to get this job done.
Premiership stability would be such fun.

The rest you well know.
The trapdoor again.
No bounce back this time.
But Jimmy's a manager in his prime.

So Tony & Co, 250 mill light.
And were back at the start. What a terrible fright!
We've started afresh and it is going well.
If we learn from our past, the future? Who can tell.

The Hoops and The Rangers, we fans will all stay,
True to our club with all of it's frays.
We have hoops from our hair to the to the tips of our toes.
So come on Jimmy and the QPR Team
Put a smile on our faces and make us all scream!

On holiday so time to waste!

 

[KooPeeArr]

I would write a poem
Dedicated to Ted
But I don't really know 'im
And there's nothing in me 'ead.

 

[Hoops Eternal]

The story begins in ten / eleven
11 brave men and promotion heaven.
We're near the top and there we will stay.
No points deduction. Hip, hip hooray.

It's goodbye Neil and thanks a bunch.
Sparky's in when it came to the crunch
We spend, spend, spend. How much is enough?
We knew survival would always be tough.

We wait til Stoke, Cisse CISSE
One game to go at daunting Citeh.
Down to ten men thanks to Joey Barton.
We're safe anyway though poor old Bolton.

'Never again on my watch' Sparky cries.
Seventeen matches, my how the time flies!
Adel rescues pride 'gainst the Fulhamites
Too late for Sparky. Ambition flies.

Shining white knight, oh Harry we cry.
Let's spend loads of money. There's lots in that pie.
'Well it's difficult ' he squirmes as he spends some more.
Despite all the above, we're still on the trap door.

And so the drop eventually feels fine.
It's nice to win some from time to time.
Wigan away and then at The Loft.
To Wembley we go but Derby aren't soft.

A Wembley day, Oh rapturous joy
It's Bobby again, that fantastic boy!!
We'll build and crack on to get this job done.
Premiership stability would be such fun.

The rest you well know.
The trapdoor again.
No bounce back this time.
But Jimmy's a manager in his prime.

So Tony & Co, 250 mill light.
And were back at the start. What a terrible fright!
We've started afresh and it is going well.
If we learn from our past, the future? Who can tell.

The Hoops and The Rangers, we fans will all stay,
True to our club with all of it's frays.
We have hoops from our hair to the to the tips of our toes.
So come on Jimmy and the QPR Team
Put a smile on our faces and make us all scream!

On holiday so time to waste!

Brilliant!

 

[Stroller]

The time has come Sir Leslie said
To talk of transfer deals
Who should we buy, who should we sell
And what if Sandro heals?
We don't have 'Arry anymore
So more no more old pal steals!

I make you right, said JFH
We don't need that old pony,
We want some young and hungry lads
And keep them cheap for Tony
We need a striker that's for sure
How much is Wilfried Bony?

**** off said Les, what did I say
About the players wages
You have to stick to twenty grand
That's what the current gauge is
Look to Europe that's the way
I'll get the yellow pages

OK said Jim, I think you're right
That's where we should go to
Here's one I think will suit us well
His name is Ngbakoto
He's pretty cheap as well Sir Les
One point five in toto

That's fine said Les, he'll do for me.
Now what about a scorer
To bang them in the onion bag
And don't say B Zamora
One who'll get us twenty goals
And won't make Tony poorer

I've had a look around said Jim
I'm sure I've found a killer
To get the twenty goals we need
And not just be a filler
He's comes from Anderlecht you know
His name's Idrissa Sylla

It's looking good said SLF
We've nearly done our signing
Just a winger's all we need
To stop the fans from whining
How about that Polish lad
I've heard that he's been shining

The deal is done said Jimmy Floyd
You can soon announce it
Tony F has signed the cheque
I'm sure the bank won't bounce it
The only problem is his name
'Cos no one can pronounce it

 

[Uber_Hoop]

The time has come Sir Leslie said
To talk of transfer deals
Who should we buy, who should we sell
And what if Sandro heals?
We don't have 'Arry anymore
So more no more old pal steals!

I make you right, said JFH
We don't need that old pony,
We want some young and hungry lads
And keep them cheap for Tony
We need a striker that's for sure
How much is Wilfried Bony?

**** off said Les, what did I say
About the players wages
You have to stick to twenty grand
That's what the salary gauge is
Look to Europe that's the way
I'll get the yellow pages

OK said Jim, I think you're right
That's where we should go to
Here's one I think will suit us well
His name is Ngbakoto
He's pretty cheap as well Sir Les
One point five in toto

That's fine said Les, he'll do for me.
Now what about a scorer
To bang them in the onion bag
And don't say B Zamora
One who'll get us twenty goals
And won't make Tony poorer

I've had a look around said Jim
I'm sure I've found a killer
To get the twenty goals we need
And not just be a filler
He's comes from Anderlecht you know
His name's Idrissa Sylla

It's looking good said SLF
We've nearly done our signing
Just a winger's all we need
To stop the fans from whining
How about that Polish lad
I've heard that he's been shining

The deal is done said Jimmy Floyd
You can soon announce it
Tony F has signed the cheque
I'm sure the bank won't bounce it
The only problem is his name
No one can pronounce it

Absolute quality, Stroller. Fantastic stuff.

 

[sheffordqpr]

As one R to another
Do you remember '67?
I sometimes watch the DVD
And it sends me into heaven

We've had so many ups and downs
In my 53 years
Moments of complete pure joy
And many, many tears

The one thing that you have to say
About being a Rangers fan
It's not about being plastic
It's growing from boy to man

There are clubs like Chelsea
Whose fans are here the gone
Who, when Roman does one
Will all be pale and wan

They do not have the passion
And nor the club at heart
They have players like Terry
Who shagged some old tart

Then there is manure
Whose fans don't really know
Where the f**k Old Trafford is
It's really a poor show

'I am a Manure fan'
Says the man in the red shirt
'I live in eastern Fiji
Although with Citeh, I did once flirt'

At least at HQ Loftus Road
One thing we know is true
We all love the super hoops
Not those c**ts down the road in blue

It is a roller coaster
I think you have to say
But would really have it
Any other way?

 

[Steelmonkey]

Ted, Ted, What can be said
About the poet in our midst
His posts sometimes seem a bit jumbled,
I think he may be pissed

This board, he says
Is the best
Far better than Fantasy Island
Of course it is
We passed the test
Including those posters from Ireland!

999s 999s, our chief mod
He keeps our house in order
Oh, what a difficult job
To keep us all from disorder

His matchday threads are classic
With loads of great information
I'm sure they miss him lots,
Down at the Fire Station

Beth, Beth
Our stand out lady poster
She knows,
Just like the rest of us,
That following our club is a rollercoaster

Kiwi posts from afar,
As do many other soothsayers,
And each of us always wants
the best effort, from all our players

Politics, music, cheese and beer
Football's not our only game
Plenty to discuss on here,
It would be boring if we were all the same

Thursday, Thursday they shout
There must be some news coming
But in the end it all turns out
To be a bit of wumming

Swords and Flyer and plenty more
Have left us in their hordes
It all may be a little quieter
But this is still the best of boards

Sorry to all those, who I have missed
I think I need a drink
I'll go and have a nice beer
To give me time to think

 

[hammersmith junior]

The sunshine streams across the pitch
The noise begins to build
The anticipation rises
As Loftus Road is filled

The atmosphere is tangible
My nerves begin to fray
For it's that magic moment
When the Hoops come out to play

The hopes are high as usual
A shrill whistle starts the game
Our midfield maestro's on the ball
The crowd all chant his name

He's beaten one,he's beaten two
There's a player down with cramp
He unleashes a thunderous thunderbolt
That finds the postage stamp

Elation hits me,like a boxer's jab
I'm in a frenzied state
I'm oblivious to everything
I've just knocked down my mate

A half time pie.and a bottle of beer
A short time to reflect
On what I've seen in that first half
And what more to expect

Off we go again,and now we're hanging on
We just can't seem to get the ball
A shot goes flying inches wide
A seriously close call

Only minutes left,come on ref
Just clear the bloody thing
I'm thinking of the victory
And the joy that it will bring

The whistle goes,i'm overjoyed
As I look up at the score
I stride out contentedly
From the place that I adore

 

[Woodyhoopleson]

Sometimes I have to wonder,
Why I watch this game at all.
For as many times as it's lifted me,
It's kicked me in the balls.

Wouldn't I be better off
watching something else completely,
Maybe I should just watch films,
Or try to follow 'strictly'.

Would I then be better off,
With nothing on the line,
Couldn't I just find less stressful ways to fill my time?

Of course, I know the answer,
This is by birth, it's not my choice,
I didn't need instructions to tell me what to do with my voice.

Watching rangers is a metaphor,
To life, we can compare,
Often the stress seems far too much,
The deal is plain unfair.

But then consider the alternative,
Follow a top team or none at all,
Live a life of permanent highs,
Never experience the fall.

Those that do cannot imagine,
The places we have been,
The depths that we have sunk to,
And what those moments mean.

They also can't imagine,
Because their scale is just too small,
The feeling of elation,
The rise after the fall.

So for me, the R's are a perfect fit,
Like my oldest pair of jeans,
But I didn't need to write this,
You know exactly what it means.

 

[qprted]

wow wow wow
i want more more more somehow
meow meow meow