Finally pictures are revealed of the infamous teamtalk spying mission! please log in to view this image
I take it the bloke on the left is Pepe. mainly because he looks like a Gunther von Hagens exhibit at the best of times...
Le Tissier To Make Sensational Playing Return For Saints Southampton legend, Matt Le Tissier, has announced his return to top-flight football with his beloved Saints. please log in to view this image The rotund ex-England forward announced his decision at the launch of Burger King's new summer range in London yesterday. The news comes as no surprise to Southampton club chef, Freddie Spence. "Matt has never stopped playing football, so this seems to be the next logical step. "He can often be seen in the director's car park before home matches, playing games of SPOT with the burger van lads. It's this commitment and passion for the game that means he should be able to slot into the first team with ease. "I was at the training ground yesterday and Matt looked quite magnificent. The kit manager had to pop out to Sports Direct to get an XL shirt for him, but once we exchanged it for an XXL there was no stopping him. The lads gave him a bit of grief when he stretched for a low cross and split his shorts, but Matt's a pro. He went on to score a hat-trick but needed a little help afterwards. "The lads from the Ambulance Service were great with him. They could see he was a little on the large size for a footballer so laid him out and gave him oxygen. We all had a good laugh about it afterwards." The news of Le Tissier's playing comeback comes amidst rumours of discontent among the St Mary's faithful. Many close to the club believe the squad is ill-equipped for the forthcoming Premier League season. "Many clubs are turning to older stars to add a bit of class," claimed Spence. Look at Scholes at Manchester United, Pirlo with Italy or Phillips at Blackpool. Bringing Tiss back does not mean we have no money for transfers. "Only yesterday I was in Melton Mowbray tying up two sensational deals. When these signings are announced, our fans will see how serious we are about staying in the Premier League." However, Southampton's two new signings are far from the standard Saints fans will be used to. Striker, Simon Proudfoot, is rumoured to be the marquee addition of the summer, however his fourteen goals in the South Leicestershire League Division Three may not be enough to convince the Southampton faithful. please log in to view this image ...Proudfoot in action last term. Proudfoot, at the age of 32, may have his best years behind him. It is rumoured the self-named 'Melton Mauler' requires the use of a walking stick and a local authority care assistant between matches.
Steve Bruce to Have Breast Implants Removed please log in to view this image Newly appointed Hull manager, Steve Bruce, is to have his breast implants removed after concerns over the safety of the silicone used in 'cheaper varieties.' The news comes after a number of implants have been found to be leaking. A close friend of Bruce explained that the removal of the implant is purely a precaution. "Steve was worried about his implant as he got it half price. "I flew to Albania with him in January. We went there because there was a special offer of 50% off the second breast. Steve had just been sacked by Sunderland so money was tight. The operation went well and he instantly felt more confident and exuberant. They were a bit tender though so he had to stop the lads from grabbing them in training. I don't think Mrs Bruce is happy either as they are now bigger than hers. "He had been worried that his breasts had become a little saggy and floppy as his weight had increased. I suppose the final straw came when he ran along the touchline at the Stadium of Light to celebrate a goal. His man boobs were bouncing up and down like two jellies in a hanky." Bruce was so desperate to lose weight he joined a local gym and decided to start eating healthily. Unfortunately, that was not that easy in Sunderland. "There aren't many good restaurants in Sunderland," explained lifelong friend, Jamie Davidson. "Most food is fried and vegetables are hard to come by. "The best restaurant in Sunderland, 'Whose Peas Are These' has a huge waiting list so Steve had to rely heavily on KFC and Greggs. Once he realised weight loss was almost impossible, surgery became the only option. The former Black Cats boss is believed to be very impressed with his newly fitted implants and the much larger selection of great restaurants in Hull. Bruce's new found confidence comes as rumours persist of a lucrative new contract with Playtex - For Men.
