Just came to me as I was driving to work this morning. For no reason I did the "Bow, Bow........, tchkka tchkka aaaah" music from Ferris Bueller's day off, and wondered why I hadn't made that connection before!
The dustman was going around all the houses collecting his Christmas box. He called to this attractive woman's house and there she was, all done up in very sexy underwear and seductive perfume She invited the bemused bin man into her house and made mad passionate luv to him right there on the living room floor. When they were finished, and he was getting ready to go, she handed him a five pound note. The bin man became quite emotional. "I have to tell you", he said, "this is the best Christmas present I've ever been given." "You can thank my husband for that," said the woman. "When he was going to work this morning, I asked him should I give the bin man a tenner for Christmas and he said... ... No, **** him, give him five."
Q. Why are women’s boobs like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ? A. Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them. I got a sweater for Christmas. I was hoping for a screamer or a moaner. Please remember a doggy is not just for Christmas….It’s a great position all year round! And the last one from Angel.......... Santa's Bad Day One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, a very irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little Angel with a great Christmas tree. The Angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?" Thus began the tradition of the Angel on top of the Christmas tree. Hope everyone has had (or still is having) a lovely Christmas without too much stress.
angel great stuff !!! To you and all Blues--have a very Happy New Year and may it bring lots of points and prizes!
Heard a goodun over Christmas; Which former footballer shares his name with a TV show? Dan Petrescu... (brilliant when pissed!)
Took me a while but I got there in the end. I don't watch it either but 'twas very funny when It suddenly came to me.
http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/socce...less-backheel-while-doing-212433939--sow.html As someone skilled in visual equipment operation I liked this.
That joke originated in the Chelsea dressing room back in the day when a certain Dennis Wise was playing for us, rumour has it that Wisey nick named Dan."Rolf Harris" because of the Pet-Rescue sound to his name.
A 6th form college teacher reminds her class of tomorrows final exam. " Now class, I wont tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but thats it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smarty student at the back of the room raised his hand and asks, " What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best the stifle their sniggering! When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and says, "Well I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand!"
An Arsenal fan knitting after paying the high prices to get a ticket at the Emirates for the City game...
