I thought this was so funny. I haven't read the books but know what they are about. 50 shades of grey - the poem Fifty Shades of Grey - A husbands view The missus bought a Paperback ...down Shepton, Saturday, I had a look inside her bag; ....T'was "fifty shades of grey". Well I just left her to it, And at ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me with dread….. In her left she held a rope; And in her right a whip! She threw them down upon the floor, And then began to strip. Well fifty years or so ago; I might have had a peek; But Mabel hasn't weathered well; She's eighty four next week!! Watching Mabel bump and grind; Could not have been much grimmer. And things then went from bad to worse; She toppled off her Zimmer! She struggled back upon her feet; A couple minutes later; She put her teeth back in and said .....I must dominate !! Now if you knew our Mabel, You'd see just why I spluttered, I'd spent two months in traction For the last complaint I'd uttered. She stood there nude and naked Bent forward just a bit I went to hold her, sensual like and stood on her left tit! Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out; My god what had I done!? She moaned and groaned then shouted out: "Step on the other one"!! Well readers, I can't tell no more; About what occurred that day. Suffice to say my jet black hair, Turned fifty shades of Grey.
Blue I didn't write it, just did a cut and paste from FB, but I agree I should be on the stage anyway.
Just saw this and found it funny moreso because of the attorney's name, http://uk.news.yahoo.com/chubby-checker-sues-hp-over-penis-measuring-app-210701676.html
Chubby Checker--now there's a name that takes me back! Lets get pissed again , like we did last summer... dah! Dah!
Arsene Wenger relocated to maximum security correctional facility following today's press conference. please log in to view this image
A big City lawyer went duck hunting in rural Saskatchewan. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmers field on the other side of a fence.As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The lawyer replied, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer responded, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The angry lawyer said " I am one of the best trial attorneys in Canada and if you dont let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own". The old farmer smiled and said"Apparently you dont know how we settle disputes in Saskatchewan. We settle small disagreements like this with the Saskatchewan Three Kick Rule." The lawyer asked " What is the saskatchewan Three Kick Rule?" The farmer replied,"Well, because the dispute occurs on my land,first I kick you three timesand then you kick me three times and so on, back and forth until someone gives up." The attorney thought about it and decided he could take the old boy. he agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.His first kick planted the toe of his heavy ,stell-toed work boot into the lawyers groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff, sent the lawyers breakfast gushing from his mouth.The barrister was on all fours when the farmers third kick to his arse sent him face first into a fresh cow pat. The lawyer summoned all his will and managed to get to his feet.Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "okay, you old asshole. Now its my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah-I give up. You can have the duck!"
Not really a joke e but amused me (I am easily amused lol) http://sphotos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/483689_347979605308159_671512650_n.jpg
A husband and wife lay in bed on the morning of their 3rd Anniversary. The wife ,pensively tells her husband she has a confession to make. "Before I met you Darling ,I was a hooker" The husband is stunned, and lays there for some time before replying. "well "he says" you have been a good wife to me, cared for me, kept the house spotless, always have my dinner ready. I will be adult about this and so, whoever you slept with for money, put it behind us and look forward" "oh no dear" she said,"you misunderstand, my name was Bruce, I played for the All Blacks"
I was in the pub yesterday telling my mates that old joke about what you do if an epilleptic has a fit in the bath. Huge dude tapped me on the shoulder and said. "I dont think that is funny cos my brother died whilst having a fit in the bath". I said "sorry did he drown" Big dude said "No. He chocked on a sock".
Q)What's nine inches long and dangles in front of a c***? A)Alex Ferguson's tie Q)What would Peter Crouch be if he wasn't a footballer? A)A virgin
