We are all built differently and in the face of adversity we all react and deal with it differently. As harrowing as Ash's account it, if it goes to show one thing, it's that we don't get to choose our life, we've just got to live it. A work colleague's brother lost an arm in a motorcycle accident and as a result had to give up his job. He was mentally scarred by losing a limb and after his physical rehabilitation he failed to find any other work. He finally took his own life leaving a note to his family and loved ones explaining his depression and that he no longer wanted to live as he was. He wanted them to remember him as he was, not a depressed and lifeless person. He had got together all his savings and instructed all his family to arrange a holiday in his name where they could all remember him as he was. Do I think he was weak/selfish for doing this? No, he showed love and respect to everyone he loved and displayed that with his final gesture. I can only hope I don't have to deal with what many have so eloquently typed here, but my heart goes out to any that have suffered or that are suffering. As previously noted, until you walk in the other man's shoes you are I'll equipped to judge. Ash, you are brave guy and despite your past it is clear you a decent human being, I wish I could bestow eternal happiness on you and your loved ones.
My thoughts and prayers are with you Chico and your fiancé Matt. In my work here in Peru I come across many sad situations. The victims are not cowards, the perpetrators certainly are. It's a privilege to be involved in making a difference to people's lives, something we can all do wherever we are. Sometimes it's just the little acts of kindness that have a lasting impact
No personal angle on this, but an interesting and emotional read. Glad things are improving for you ash, that's quite a life you've lived mate. Can't imagine how all of that could make you feel, but utmost respect for getting to where you are now. Good luck with the future. Matty, had a rough idea about your situation from threads gone by. Hope it works out ok for you all. Your missus is lucky to have you.
Wow. How can you respond to all that? First of all Chico the problems you have had were there even before you were born and there is no blame on you. I cannot even start to comprehend what your life has been like. I am so glad your friend saved you and he must have known what was going through your head. Please do not misunderstand this but I have some sympathy with the thought of suicidees being selfish. I watched a woman walk onto a level crossing and turn to the oncoming train. for what seemed an age she stood with her arms open before we witnessed her being chopped to bits. the people in the cars, the signal man, the train driver we were all in shock. it was several days before christmas so it also put a terrible strain on her children. How could she do that? Very few people have no one to love them so it is so important to talk. There is another way. I do not normally agree with OT threads but if this one helps save one life it is worth it.
So let's just summarise then. We seem to agree that there's much more to understanding suicide than to pass it off as cowardice. If we think it's all about holding it down for our loved ones, we're still sane enough to withstand our demons. But it goes way past that point for some of us doesn't it? It's like telling a drunk to sober up, even if they hear you they wouldn't know how. I think Queens is so angry at the hurt at losing his mate and what it all caused his parents, he's written the rest of the story off as sheer selfishness. If only life were that simple, eh?
Gents (& lady) Let me firstly thank you for your input and opinions, and if it means you think I'm an idiot then so be it. Brix, your last post is so completely wrong that I don't know where to start. cico..im sitting in a bar right now as I type this 7 after reading your post I was in tears. I had to go to the loo ust to get myself together. hopefully, now you have been down you will see that the only way is up. yopu have many friends on your own board mate and I would say that you also have many on here. Keep he faith brother and WE will always be here if you need a chat. the OP was not meant to be derogatory to anyone or demean anybody, but was meant as an honest open debate. I knew posters would take it personally hence I said lets be adults. For those who put me down, maybe you should re-read this thread and embrace the amount of emotion and sharing it has given OUR board. Matt. We spoke privately, so I was always aware of your problems. I hope this has helped you in some small way. I hope things get better mate & we are ALWAYS here if you need us Brix & Chico thank you for keeping this thread open to all as I'm sure it would have been shut down on many other boards..Chico..you are a legend for this mate. My final word will be that if you read my OP. I said I was brought up to believe...I never said I believed it.....? To those who may feel offended by my Op, I sincerely apologise. It was never meant to offend. it was meant to spark debate; which it obviously has. Many deep roted feelings come to light here. Brix. Thank you once again. I think this thread has probably run its course. I would urge you to keep this open for another 24 hours then close it. please give others a chance to reply. To anyone offended, I once again apologise, but as their man said...if this helps even 1 single person add an extra day to their life..then it will have been worthwhile. Peace brothers Q.
Uber.........I don't want to be falling out with you mate. I genuinely enjoy your input on here and think I'd get on well with you if we ever met. It was your opening paragraph (Scotland mentions it in his post....#38) "Alas, I think you'd be hard pressed to find somebody that hasn't been through a divorce in this day and age, such is the attitude to marriage, fidelity and responsibility to offspring in this day and age." Leaving the family home was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life, but it got to the stage where I decided that the kids were better off not seeing all the **** that was happening. Every single day since I question whether I could have stayed simply for them, but I genuinely believe that they would have been worse off. I didn't leave THEM, I left their Mum. I spoke to them every day and saw them as often as physically possible. My eldest now lives with me and the youngest completely understands what went on. I just feel that your opening paragraph was a little judgemental of people like me, when you simply can have no understanding of what anyone's particular situation is/was. I freely admit that it's a spikey subject for me and I don't want to be falling out with you over it.
Col, it was an undeniably clumsy opening remark, but meant as a general comment about the increase in the divorce rate, a statistic to which I have personally added. There are infinite reasons behind divorce and no two circumstances can be the same. I do not have to look too hard around my social circle, around the parents doing the school run or around my neighbourhood to find examples where the children have suffered as a consequence of divorce. Of course, there are also examples - such as the one you have given - where the best interests of the children are put first at every step. I apologise unreservedly if I have caused offence, which was not intended. But I deny the suggestion that I was being judgemental or criticising decisions made by others. I was merely stating a fact in my usual clumsy way. I please guilty to this.
Also respect to all those who have lost loved ones to eels ... Keep them peeled slimy sods are everywhere
It was constantly bathing them in too much Salt and Vinegar that took him -Or was it the day he tried them with a bucketload of Tabasco?
my mother in law suffers from depression I thought it was just because I married her daughter anyway I don't suffer from it so I don't understand it(ignorant if you like) but I have always wondered if you are diagnosed with depression cant you just cheer the **** up having read this thread and chicos harrowing story I will no longer be saying that to the wife hope chico and matts fiancés lifes manage to turn themselves around if reading their storys makes one person reach out for help it will have proven to have been a good thread
My son and I ( Carpenters ) worked for a builder for 3 months on two 3 storey townhouses. After that job, I heard he had put his car, with him in it ..........in his garage. He had connected to exhaust pipe to the window and taken some sleeping tablets. When his wife ( medical nurse ) returned home from work, she resurrected him, along with the paramedics. He told me this whilst he had engaged our services on the another job ( another 3 month job ) ......... we were having lunch. I told him if he ever, ever needed to talk to anyone, regardless of time or day, just to ring me and I would listen, or come and see him ........... whatever it took to help him out of having such thoughts again. He reply to us was ............. "next time, I won't make the same mistake again ( failed attempt ). Regardless of what my son or myself offered, it all seem fruitless. On the job, he was fine supervising tradies and such but who knows what he thought after work. He was 60 years of age, he children now grown adults ............ seemingly everything was fine. Anyway, about a month after my son and I finished the job, his son rang me to say that his father had committed suicide. He had gassed himself in his car again. This time, succeeding in his own desire. Whether I'm correct or not, I really do not know but I can only assume that it must be a mental illness. Footnote - My wife has worked as a Dental nurse for a period of time. Apparently, suicide in male Dentist here in Australia is well above average of any given profession. Why is this so?
Thank you for allowing this thread - I have found it an interesting & emotional read, for so many reasons I wouldn't know where the start to explain them. The more these subjects are explored at a human level the better, to help reduce the stigma that those who suffer from Mental Health disorders meet in their everyday lives. Bless you Ash for sharing your story, you have a honesty and gift with words that you have used for the benefit of others.
Not just in Australia Aussie, dentists worldwide have the highest suicide rate of any profession. Why? Many many reasons, some of which are the constant high pressure working environment ( literally in someone's face at all times), low self-image partly because of public perception and fear of 'the dentist', and a myriad of other factors that they share with other professions.
My apologies then - but to me it's the only explanation for the central content of your OP... Not attacking you Queens. Just trying to understand what else, other than your personal hurt and empathy for his parents, brought you to these conclusions.
I've seen the refashion left behind so that's why I lean towards the selfish angle, especially if kids are left behind. Perhaps those looking down on us for thinking that haven't seen the ruined lives of people left behind who are sentenced to pain for the rest of their lives.
