I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person. That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.
Dear Deirdre, My boyfriend's a right dick! He told me the best cure for constipation was anal sex. I didn't believe him but after some persuasion, he talked me into it and I let him stick his big fat knob into my tiny little arsehole. He shagged me up the bum really hard then after a while, shot his muck, deep into my bowels. He's just rung me this morning saying he wants to try it again as he's still constipated. What should I do? Brittany, Essex.
Sean Connery was interviewed by Parkinson, and bragged that despite his elderly years, he could still have sex three times a night. Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Cilla said, "Sean, if I am not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with you. Let’s go back to my place" So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that wash good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have even better shex. But while I’m shleeping, hold my ballsh in your left hand and my cock in your right hand." Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay". He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. Then Sean says, "Cilla, that wash wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. But again, hold my ballsh in your left hand, and my cock in your right hand." Cilla is now used to the routine and complies. The results are mind blowing. Once it’s all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Cilla asks "Sean, tell me, does my holding your balls in my left hand and your cock in my right stimulate you while you’re sleeping?" Sean replies, "No, but the lasht time I slept with a shcouser, she shtole ma wallet."
A boy comes home from school at 7pm, His dad says "where were you?" I was with Jessica." He replied. " What were you doing?" "We were studying." After picking a snack off the table the son says "These fishcakes are lovely." Dad replies "Wash your hands son; they're doughnuts."
Three scouse whores were running from the police when one ran into a lamp post and knocked herself out. The ambulance arrived and they revived her, she said ‘I can’t see, I can’t see’! The medic showed her three fingers and said ‘how many fingers have I got up’? She screamed ‘ I’m paralysed too!
Son: Dad, why's my sister named Teresa? Dad: Your Mum likes Easter and Teresa is an anagram of it. Son: Ok thanks, Dad. Dad: No worries, Alan.
A little red indian boy goes to his father and says "father, how do we Indians get our names" the father explains well son, when a child is born the father leaves the tepee and names the child after the first thing he sees, this is why your sister is called rising moon and your brother is called running deer. why do you ask two dogs ****ing?
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
