An absolute legend, I exchanged a few words with him once, he was in Centre Hotel (where Centre bar was), sitting in the corner on a stool at the bar and even when I asked him how was he enjoying being in Hull, he said "I like it" and him even saying that made me laugh.
guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder - says to the barman ' I'll have a pint and can i have a whisky for Tiny here' - barman says ' why do you call him Tiny?' - guy says 'cos he's my newt'
Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi! Get out! We don't want your type in here!" TC was brilliant.
Dr Dr it hurts when i do this Well don't do it then ANyone else says it, meh, TC says it, crying time!
So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt. He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment". Cooper classic!!
Cooper was a genius. I'm not saying my wife is ugly, but I was walking down the street with her the other day and this copper stopped me and said, have you reported that accident.
A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove."
I backed a horse today at 20/1 it came in at twenty five to 4! It came in so late it had to tiptoe back into the stables! Ibought a greyhound last month. A friend said what you gonna do with it? I said I'm gonna race it. He said by the look of it i think you'll beat it!
A man walks into a greengrocer's and says, I want five pounds of potatoes please. And the greengrocer says, we only sell kilos. So the man says, all right then, I'll have five pounds of kilos. I'm on a whisky diet, I've lost three days already. My wife and I were fighting like hammer and tongs. She won, she had the hammer. This fella is on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant lying on the ground, in distress. He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot. He removes it, and the elephant trots merrily away. Twenty years on, the man is standing in the street in London watching a circus procession pass by. When the elephant gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its trunk, lifts him bodily into the air, smashes him on the ground and jumps on him. It was a different elephant.
A pony walks into a bar and whispers to the bartender, “Can I have a beer?” The bartender replies, “Sure, but why are you whispering?” The pony answers, “I’m sorry. I’m just a little hoarse.”
Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'
Two cannibals were sitting in a bar having drinks and munching on a clown. One cannibal says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
Here's something funny - a talentless bitch being owned by Gabby Agbonlahor. [video=youtube;GgHWvu9rlG8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=GgHWvu9rlG8[/video] I love the crowd going 'wheyyyyyyyyyy' when he gets smashed. Those ****ing female fans who turned up just to see him are ****ing disgraceful imo... they didn't give a toss about what the match was really about, they turned up just to see their 'idol'. Those tickets could have gone to actual Celtic fans.
Aye, I bet he's **** scared of a bunch of pre-pubescent girls threatening him. What is up with these people?
A man walks in to a bar with a giraffe as a companion - at last orders bell - the man slips off his stool - slides on his coat - and makes to leave - via the door - the barman calls out "Hey m8 you cannot leave that lyin there" refering to the long necked pissed giraffe slumped on the bar counter. The slurred man says in reply " I think you'll find that's not a "LION" - "That's a GIRAFFE".....L
