In light of all the speculation, I decided to take matters into my own hands, and apply for the job. Sent the email to customer services earlier today, because believe it or not, I didn't know who else to send it to.
Tottenham Hotspur Football Club
Bill Nicholson Way
748 High Road
Tottenham
London
N17 0AP
Dear Mr Levy.
As of the 14th of June, it has come to my attention that you have relinquished the services of Harry Redknapp as Tottenham manager. This would suggest to me that you are hiring for the role, and I would like to make you aware that I am available for hire at very reasonable rates. I have been a Spurs supporter since I was 8, which is to say 10 years, or upon the arrival of Robbie Keane. This however should not be interpreted as if to say that upon my ascension to the management role that I would re-sign Keane, it is merely to show you a little of my background.
I have always had a keen desire to be involved at some level with Tottenham Hotspurs, and although prior to this letter I have never followed up on this interest, with your good grace my dream could become reality. I have always envisioned myself as a tactically astute and aware person, who can both think ahead and react to the current situation I am in. I loath to mention my Football Manager experience, but I would like to make you aware that you hired me after 4 successful seasons, promoting Solihull Moors, winning the Irish League twice and running up once with St Patâs Athletic, as well as a season in the group stages of the Champions League (it was a difficult group, it pains me to recall the results, but in fairness the group contained Real Madrid, Fenerbache and You). I then went on to win the premier league with you twice until a controversial decision at the Emirates Stadium caused me to launch the laptop at the wall.
Outside of that, I did play real football for Tonna AFC (Reserve side) in the Neath league. I have not enjoyed a successful career as a player, but upon my travels up and down the touchline with the coach John Amos (who I would be obliged to consider bringing with me as part of my backroom staff) I believe I have picked up an astute knowledge of the game and a tactical nous that could only be of benefit to the current Tottenham squad. Besides from this, I now have a deep knowledge of the Neath League Reserve Divisions, which could save you time and money in relation to scouting in this locality.
I also hold a Door Supervisor Certificate, which you would not suspect to look at me. This could come in handy with keeping certain players in the clubs grasp, and allowing us to advance further. Luka Modric and Rafael Van der Vaart would possibly require me to use these skills I have acquired as a guard, although in relation to Gareth Bale the fact that both of us have lived in Wales and therefore can share some friendly rivalry and banter could possibly persuade him to stay.
In relation to education I regret to inform you that I do not hold the UEFA Pro Licence, and would therefore require you to put me onto the course as soon as I am appointed. This should not cause too much issue, especially considering the precedent of Gareth Southgate, who was allowed to continue without his licence under a grace period. I am also in the process of waiting for my History A level exam results. I will also sit Law, but in fairness I think Iâve done so badly that Iâd rather focus on the History. I expect a good result from it, and I hope you will consider this. A lot of the Tottenham Hotspur players give off the aura of being historians, so this will allow me to emphasise with them upon another level, and perhaps allow me to give them career advice post-football.
Thank you Mr Levy for taking the time to read this letter, and I shall be expecting your reply as soon as is humanly possible, due to other openings currently at premier league squads. This is not an ultimatum, as you are the only club I have applied to at present, but in the future, should I lack a positive reply, I will unfortunately have to look elsewhere for employment.
Yours Sincerely
Sundance Yid.
Tottenham Hotspur Football Club
Bill Nicholson Way
748 High Road
Tottenham
London
N17 0AP
Dear Mr Levy.
As of the 14th of June, it has come to my attention that you have relinquished the services of Harry Redknapp as Tottenham manager. This would suggest to me that you are hiring for the role, and I would like to make you aware that I am available for hire at very reasonable rates. I have been a Spurs supporter since I was 8, which is to say 10 years, or upon the arrival of Robbie Keane. This however should not be interpreted as if to say that upon my ascension to the management role that I would re-sign Keane, it is merely to show you a little of my background.
I have always had a keen desire to be involved at some level with Tottenham Hotspurs, and although prior to this letter I have never followed up on this interest, with your good grace my dream could become reality. I have always envisioned myself as a tactically astute and aware person, who can both think ahead and react to the current situation I am in. I loath to mention my Football Manager experience, but I would like to make you aware that you hired me after 4 successful seasons, promoting Solihull Moors, winning the Irish League twice and running up once with St Patâs Athletic, as well as a season in the group stages of the Champions League (it was a difficult group, it pains me to recall the results, but in fairness the group contained Real Madrid, Fenerbache and You). I then went on to win the premier league with you twice until a controversial decision at the Emirates Stadium caused me to launch the laptop at the wall.
Outside of that, I did play real football for Tonna AFC (Reserve side) in the Neath league. I have not enjoyed a successful career as a player, but upon my travels up and down the touchline with the coach John Amos (who I would be obliged to consider bringing with me as part of my backroom staff) I believe I have picked up an astute knowledge of the game and a tactical nous that could only be of benefit to the current Tottenham squad. Besides from this, I now have a deep knowledge of the Neath League Reserve Divisions, which could save you time and money in relation to scouting in this locality.
I also hold a Door Supervisor Certificate, which you would not suspect to look at me. This could come in handy with keeping certain players in the clubs grasp, and allowing us to advance further. Luka Modric and Rafael Van der Vaart would possibly require me to use these skills I have acquired as a guard, although in relation to Gareth Bale the fact that both of us have lived in Wales and therefore can share some friendly rivalry and banter could possibly persuade him to stay.
In relation to education I regret to inform you that I do not hold the UEFA Pro Licence, and would therefore require you to put me onto the course as soon as I am appointed. This should not cause too much issue, especially considering the precedent of Gareth Southgate, who was allowed to continue without his licence under a grace period. I am also in the process of waiting for my History A level exam results. I will also sit Law, but in fairness I think Iâve done so badly that Iâd rather focus on the History. I expect a good result from it, and I hope you will consider this. A lot of the Tottenham Hotspur players give off the aura of being historians, so this will allow me to emphasise with them upon another level, and perhaps allow me to give them career advice post-football.
Thank you Mr Levy for taking the time to read this letter, and I shall be expecting your reply as soon as is humanly possible, due to other openings currently at premier league squads. This is not an ultimatum, as you are the only club I have applied to at present, but in the future, should I lack a positive reply, I will unfortunately have to look elsewhere for employment.
Yours Sincerely
Sundance Yid.
