Mental Health Thread

[remembercolinlee]

I hope this is an ok thread to start but if it inappropriate then please delete.
I thought that a thread for people to talk about stresses they face may be helpful.
I've chatted about stuff on here and so have others and I have found it a helpful way to "get it out".

Obviously no one here is qualified to offer professional help but sometimes strangers on a football website can be like the person in the pub you chat to.

I would suggest a few rules:

1. No taking the piss out of individuals on here.

2. No "man up" type comments.



I've added a couple of links of organisations that may be helpful.

https://www.mind.org.uk/

https://www.samaritans.org/

 

["Thanks for that Brian"]

I blather away on here as part of my 'therapy'. It's good to talk and connect with people. I used to get my connections in pubs, but nowadays, I don't go to pubs very often, other than to see bands. The pub was one of the greatest things about this country. Your mates acted as counsellors, mostly by taking the piss, but there was very often real love and help there too.

Anyway...Cheers!

I'll get the next round.

 

[PowerSpurs]

One thing I've discovered from reading this site is how badly people seem to be affected by the results of matches involving their team.

I've always thought of football as a way of getting away from the stresses of life but for some it seems to be an additional source of stress.

Either way posting or browsing on here might well be a way to relieve stress.

 

[BinghamSpur]

Funnily enough I used to get quite worked up after a game, especially if it went the wrong way. Looking back I could be a grumpy old bugger for quite a few days afterwards.
Now, I find that this site very therapeutic for those situations.

I suppose it is the sense of everyone sharing all the disappointment after the game rather than simply bottling it up...

 

[perrymanlegend]

Thanks for raising this very difficult subject RCL.
I detest the terms man up or get a grip.
It's true we view supporting a football club as an escape, but when that starts to creep into our everyday issues, then talking to someone can really help.
Men generally bottle up their feelings, so I think we can all lend a sympathetic ear to someone who needs it.

 

[Spurf]

At my age losing people you know and love is a part of still being around. I have just lost a lifelong friend, someone I went to school with, discovered Europe and Britain with and like him ended up with my family moving to Scotland.
Then there is the world and that's a pretty awful story at the moment.

Then there is football and as Shankly very wisely said (because he was a very wise man) "This is football, it's not a matter of life and death, it's much more important than that."

Do you think that's flippant? I don't, I think that is a very profound understanding of how the game of football is the antidote for millions of people all over the world. A game that reflects the madness of the human condition in every way. A game that includes luck, skill, hopes, disappointment, wealth, poverty, privilege, elation, anger, consequences and outcomes. A game that reflects life in every way and it's all played out in a couple of hours.

Because we chose Spurs (or it chose us) all this is heightened, BUT when Spurs finally do win something, and they will one day, we will have more excitement, more elation than most.
Just like in our more magnanimous moments we can appreciate how our team contributed to some elation for Ipswich fans last Sunday.

 

[Left on the Shelf]

Just like in our more magnanimous moments we can appreciate how our team contributed to some elation for Ipswich fans last Sunday.

Nah!!

But on a serious note, that's a great contribution Spurf!
I might add that (I imagine for most of us here at least, football is an emotional release mechanism, the ability and opportunity to literally scream with joy or pain hopefully without repercussions. (Although some of my neighbours over the years might disagree). It is not really surprising that the extreme negative and positive reactions our clubs fortunes bring should impact us in a deeply personal way and therefore directly influence our mental health.

 

[remembercolinlee]

Football was my escape from my home life as a kid.
I began supporting spurs in 1974 ish. I was 7 years old and the nice part of my extended family lived in Turnpike Lane Wood Green. One NLD day people on their side of the street celebrated Spurs scoring so they became my team.
From the age of 9 I followed us on the radio whenever I could and from the 1977/78 season I would listen to the radio every Saturday afternoon to hear updates, results and and second half commentaries. I would re-enact games using a busted subbutteo goal and a keeper that was taped together. I made scrapbooks off matches from comics and old newspapers.

By 1981 I would save my dinner money and pocket money and go to as many spurs games as possible. I collected all the programmes. I felt I belonged somewhere when I was at a match and lived for match day. I hated (and still do) adults (apart from Mrs RCL and my girls) touching me in any way. I hate crowds. But none of that applies at football, never has, never will I guess.

When I walked out home at 17 I couldn't afford to go anymore and the ****ers threw all my stuff away in keeping with their **** behaviour towards me.

Despite a very abusive ****ed up childhood I look back at my spurs addiction with huge fondness.

By the late 80s and early 90s I was going to games again. Then in 94 my son died at birth and tbh the only things I remember about 94-96 (apart from falling in love and getting together with Mrs RCL) was spurs games. These helped make feel less of a **** for living while my son died.

By 2005 I had an 7 Yr old and a 2 year old and began going to spurs again with the oldest...then with both.

I began making scrap books again for my girls and Mrs RCL encouraged me to use Ebay to look for old spurs scrapbooks and programmes of games I'd been to.
I have collected them all again and got a lot of scrapbooks.

I have been to 2 matches on 12th November (the day before the anniversary) . . We have never had a game on the 13th November...and only 2 I can remember on the 12th.
We beat Liverpool 4-2 in 2008 and
Leeds 4-3 in 2022. Being at those games was like being there with my son. I know that sounds ridiculous but it is how it is.

Tomorrow is the 30th anniversary of my boys death. I going to his memorial tree in Greenwich Park to spend the day with him (there's no grave cos still burns back then didn't get a birth cert, so couldn't get a death cert so could get a funeral...to this day I have no idea what happened to his poor briloken body).

Mrs RCL is working away ... she has been with for every anniversary since we've been together ... so tomorrow is my first anniversary with out her to hold me in 28 years.

Sorry this is so long winded but like whl this is a little safe space where I feel it's OK to share on a bad day.

COYS

 

[Left on the Shelf]

Football was my escape from my home life as a kid.
I began supporting spurs in 1974 ish. I was 7 years old and the nice part of my extended family lived in Turnpike Lane Wood Green. One NLD day people on their side of the street celebrated Spurs scoring so they became my team.
From the age of 9 I followed us on the radio whenever I could and from the 1977/78 season I would listen to the radio every Saturday afternoon to hear updates, results and and second half commentaries. I would re-enact games using a busted subbutteo goal and a keeper that was taped together. I made scrapbooks off matches from comics and old newspapers.

By 1981 I would save my dinner money and pocket money and go to as many spurs games as possible. I collected all the programmes. I felt I belonged somewhere when I was at a match and lived for match day. I hated (and still do) adults (apart from Mrs RCL and my girls) touching me in any way. I hate crowds. But none of that applies at football, never has, never will I guess.

When I walked out home at 17 I couldn't afford to go anymore and the ****ers threw all my stuff away in keeping with their **** behaviour towards me.

Despite a very abusive ****ed up childhood I look back at my spurs addiction with huge fondness.

By the late 80s and early 90s I was going to games again. Then in 94 my son died at birth and tbh the only things I remember about 94-96 (apart from falling in love and getting together with Mrs RCL) was spurs games. These helped make feel less of a **** for living while my son died.

By 2005 I had an 7 Yr old and a 2 year old and began going to spurs again with the oldest...then with both.

I began making scrap books again for my girls and Mrs RCL encouraged me to use Ebay to look for old spurs scrapbooks and programmes of games I'd been to.
I have collected them all again and got a lot of scrapbooks.

I have been to 2 matches on 12th November (the day before the anniversary) . . We have never had a game on the 13th November...and only 2 I can remember on the 12th.
We beat Liverpool 4-2 in 2008 and
Leeds 4-3 in 2022. Being at those games was like being there with my son. I know that sounds ridiculous but it is how it is.

Tomorrow is the 30th anniversary of my boys death. I going to his memorial tree in Greenwich Park to spend the day with him (there's no grave cos still burns back then didn't get a birth cert, so couldn't get a death cert so could get a funeral...to this day I have no idea what happened to his poor briloken body).

Mrs RCL is working away ... she has been with for every anniversary since we've been together ... so tomorrow is my first anniversary with out her to hold me in 28 years.

Sorry this is so long winded but like whl this is a little safe space where I feel it's OK to share on a bad day.

COYS

No words, mate. Just , as ever!

 

["Thanks for that Brian"]

Football was my escape from my home life as a kid.
I began supporting spurs in 1974 ish. I was 7 years old and the nice part of my extended family lived in Turnpike Lane Wood Green. One NLD day people on their side of the street celebrated Spurs scoring so they became my team.
From the age of 9 I followed us on the radio whenever I could and from the 1977/78 season I would listen to the radio every Saturday afternoon to hear updates, results and and second half commentaries. I would re-enact games using a busted subbutteo goal and a keeper that was taped together. I made scrapbooks off matches from comics and old newspapers.

By 1981 I would save my dinner money and pocket money and go to as many spurs games as possible. I collected all the programmes. I felt I belonged somewhere when I was at a match and lived for match day. I hated (and still do) adults (apart from Mrs RCL and my girls) touching me in any way. I hate crowds. But none of that applies at football, never has, never will I guess.

When I walked out home at 17 I couldn't afford to go anymore and the ****ers threw all my stuff away in keeping with their **** behaviour towards me.

Despite a very abusive ****ed up childhood I look back at my spurs addiction with huge fondness.

By the late 80s and early 90s I was going to games again. Then in 94 my son died at birth and tbh the only things I remember about 94-96 (apart from falling in love and getting together with Mrs RCL) was spurs games. These helped make feel less of a **** for living while my son died.

By 2005 I had an 7 Yr old and a 2 year old and began going to spurs again with the oldest...then with both.

I began making scrap books again for my girls and Mrs RCL encouraged me to use Ebay to look for old spurs scrapbooks and programmes of games I'd been to.
I have collected them all again and got a lot of scrapbooks.

I have been to 2 matches on 12th November (the day before the anniversary) . . We have never had a game on the 13th November...and only 2 I can remember on the 12th.
We beat Liverpool 4-2 in 2008 and
Leeds 4-3 in 2022. Being at those games was like being there with my son. I know that sounds ridiculous but it is how it is.

Tomorrow is the 30th anniversary of my boys death. I going to his memorial tree in Greenwich Park to spend the day with him (there's no grave cos still burns back then didn't get a birth cert, so couldn't get a death cert so could get a funeral...to this day I have no idea what happened to his poor briloken body).

Mrs RCL is working away ... she has been with for every anniversary since we've been together ... so tomorrow is my first anniversary with out her to hold me in 28 years.

Sorry this is so long winded but like whl this is a little safe space where I feel it's OK to share on a bad day.

COYS

Peace, love and respect to you, Mrs RCL and your daughters.

 

[The Changing Man]

Football was my escape from my home life as a kid.
I began supporting spurs in 1974 ish. I was 7 years old and the nice part of my extended family lived in Turnpike Lane Wood Green. One NLD day people on their side of the street celebrated Spurs scoring so they became my team.
From the age of 9 I followed us on the radio whenever I could and from the 1977/78 season I would listen to the radio every Saturday afternoon to hear updates, results and and second half commentaries. I would re-enact games using a busted subbutteo goal and a keeper that was taped together. I made scrapbooks off matches from comics and old newspapers.

By 1981 I would save my dinner money and pocket money and go to as many spurs games as possible. I collected all the programmes. I felt I belonged somewhere when I was at a match and lived for match day. I hated (and still do) adults (apart from Mrs RCL and my girls) touching me in any way. I hate crowds. But none of that applies at football, never has, never will I guess.

When I walked out home at 17 I couldn't afford to go anymore and the ****ers threw all my stuff away in keeping with their **** behaviour towards me.

Despite a very abusive ****ed up childhood I look back at my spurs addiction with huge fondness.

By the late 80s and early 90s I was going to games again. Then in 94 my son died at birth and tbh the only things I remember about 94-96 (apart from falling in love and getting together with Mrs RCL) was spurs games. These helped make feel less of a **** for living while my son died.

By 2005 I had an 7 Yr old and a 2 year old and began going to spurs again with the oldest...then with both.

I began making scrap books again for my girls and Mrs RCL encouraged me to use Ebay to look for old spurs scrapbooks and programmes of games I'd been to.
I have collected them all again and got a lot of scrapbooks.

I have been to 2 matches on 12th November (the day before the anniversary) . . We have never had a game on the 13th November...and only 2 I can remember on the 12th.
We beat Liverpool 4-2 in 2008 and
Leeds 4-3 in 2022. Being at those games was like being there with my son. I know that sounds ridiculous but it is how it is.

Tomorrow is the 30th anniversary of my boys death. I going to his memorial tree in Greenwich Park to spend the day with him (there's no grave cos still burns back then didn't get a birth cert, so couldn't get a death cert so could get a funeral...to this day I have no idea what happened to his poor briloken body).

Mrs RCL is working away ... she has been with for every anniversary since we've been together ... so tomorrow is my first anniversary with out her to hold me in 28 years.

Sorry this is so long winded but like whl this is a little safe space where I feel it's OK to share on a bad day.

COYS

Nothing but respect for you here, can only say that you are in a community here that will always listen and offer support where we can..

And thank you for telling your story and reminding me just how lucky and privileged I am to have lived my life without the major issues that you have encountered.

The way you have come through is of great credit to you and your family and an inspiration.

 

[SpursDisciple]

Football was my escape from my home life as a kid.
I began supporting spurs in 1974 ish. I was 7 years old and the nice part of my extended family lived in Turnpike Lane Wood Green. One NLD day people on their side of the street celebrated Spurs scoring so they became my team.
From the age of 9 I followed us on the radio whenever I could and from the 1977/78 season I would listen to the radio every Saturday afternoon to hear updates, results and and second half commentaries. I would re-enact games using a busted subbutteo goal and a keeper that was taped together. I made scrapbooks off matches from comics and old newspapers.

By 1981 I would save my dinner money and pocket money and go to as many spurs games as possible. I collected all the programmes. I felt I belonged somewhere when I was at a match and lived for match day. I hated (and still do) adults (apart from Mrs RCL and my girls) touching me in any way. I hate crowds. But none of that applies at football, never has, never will I guess.

When I walked out home at 17 I couldn't afford to go anymore and the ****ers threw all my stuff away in keeping with their **** behaviour towards me.

Despite a very abusive ****ed up childhood I look back at my spurs addiction with huge fondness.

By the late 80s and early 90s I was going to games again. Then in 94 my son died at birth and tbh the only things I remember about 94-96 (apart from falling in love and getting together with Mrs RCL) was spurs games. These helped make feel less of a **** for living while my son died.

By 2005 I had an 7 Yr old and a 2 year old and began going to spurs again with the oldest...then with both.

I began making scrap books again for my girls and Mrs RCL encouraged me to use Ebay to look for old spurs scrapbooks and programmes of games I'd been to.
I have collected them all again and got a lot of scrapbooks.

I have been to 2 matches on 12th November (the day before the anniversary) . . We have never had a game on the 13th November...and only 2 I can remember on the 12th.
We beat Liverpool 4-2 in 2008 and
Leeds 4-3 in 2022. Being at those games was like being there with my son. I know that sounds ridiculous but it is how it is.

Tomorrow is the 30th anniversary of my boys death. I going to his memorial tree in Greenwich Park to spend the day with him (there's no grave cos still burns back then didn't get a birth cert, so couldn't get a death cert so could get a funeral...to this day I have no idea what happened to his poor briloken body).

Mrs RCL is working away ... she has been with for every anniversary since we've been together ... so tomorrow is my first anniversary with out her to hold me in 28 years.

Sorry this is so long winded but like whl this is a little safe space where I feel it's OK to share on a bad day.

COYS

Thinking of you today mate.

 

[Alfie Conn]

I have been a union rep for over 30yr at my present company, back then mental health was not discussed openly mainly working in a very male environment over the years it has become more common to find a person come to me with a problem but there is usually a reason far deeper than the first instance since Covid lockdown the instance of MH has trebled and I'm noticing it more common with younger people
I have attended many training courses over the years and years found taking time to talk to people and more importantly listen to them , I do not have many answers , only able to direct the person to hopefully someone qualified to help
Sorry, I can't find words to go deeper in this conversation but thanks to RCL for starting this thread and can honestly say that it is good to talk

 

[BinghamSpur]

Football was my escape from my home life as a kid.
I began supporting spurs in 1974 ish. I was 7 years old and the nice part of my extended family lived in Turnpike Lane Wood Green. One NLD day people on their side of the street celebrated Spurs scoring so they became my team.
From the age of 9 I followed us on the radio whenever I could and from the 1977/78 season I would listen to the radio every Saturday afternoon to hear updates, results and and second half commentaries. I would re-enact games using a busted subbutteo goal and a keeper that was taped together. I made scrapbooks off matches from comics and old newspapers.

By 1981 I would save my dinner money and pocket money and go to as many spurs games as possible. I collected all the programmes. I felt I belonged somewhere when I was at a match and lived for match day. I hated (and still do) adults (apart from Mrs RCL and my girls) touching me in any way. I hate crowds. But none of that applies at football, never has, never will I guess.

When I walked out home at 17 I couldn't afford to go anymore and the ****ers threw all my stuff away in keeping with their **** behaviour towards me.

Despite a very abusive ****ed up childhood I look back at my spurs addiction with huge fondness.

By the late 80s and early 90s I was going to games again. Then in 94 my son died at birth and tbh the only things I remember about 94-96 (apart from falling in love and getting together with Mrs RCL) was spurs games. These helped make feel less of a **** for living while my son died.

By 2005 I had an 7 Yr old and a 2 year old and began going to spurs again with the oldest...then with both.

I began making scrap books again for my girls and Mrs RCL encouraged me to use Ebay to look for old spurs scrapbooks and programmes of games I'd been to.
I have collected them all again and got a lot of scrapbooks.

I have been to 2 matches on 12th November (the day before the anniversary) . . We have never had a game on the 13th November...and only 2 I can remember on the 12th.
We beat Liverpool 4-2 in 2008 and
Leeds 4-3 in 2022. Being at those games was like being there with my son. I know that sounds ridiculous but it is how it is.

Tomorrow is the 30th anniversary of my boys death. I going to his memorial tree in Greenwich Park to spend the day with him (there's no grave cos still burns back then didn't get a birth cert, so couldn't get a death cert so could get a funeral...to this day I have no idea what happened to his poor briloken body).

Mrs RCL is working away ... she has been with for every anniversary since we've been together ... so tomorrow is my first anniversary with out her to hold me in 28 years.

Sorry this is so long winded but like whl this is a little safe space where I feel it's OK to share on a bad day.

COYS

I genuinely shed a year at this post and gave my kids an extra hug today, even though my nearly 17 year old daughter told me to bugger off!

Stories like this make me realise just how lucky my life has been with my family.

Sending a big young man...

 

[KingHotspur]

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[PleaseNotPoll]

I have been a union rep for over 30yr at my present company, back then mental health was not discussed openly mainly working in a very male environment over the years it has become more common to find a person come to me with a problem but there is usually a reason far deeper than the first instance since Covid lockdown the instance of MH has trebled and I'm noticing it more common with younger people
I have attended many training courses over the years and years found taking time to talk to people and more importantly listen to them , I do not have many answers , only able to direct the person to hopefully someone qualified to help
Sorry, I can't find words to go deeper in this conversation but thanks to RCL for starting this thread and can honestly say that it is good to talk

I saw a study the other day that claimed that mental health issues due to work had exploded since the covid lockdown.
I'm not sure if anything actually changed in the work environment or people just got used to not being in it.
Sometimes taking a step back allows you to realise just how ****ed up some everyday things are.

 

[Alfie Conn]

I saw a study the other day that claimed that mental health issues due to work had exploded since the covid lockdown.
I'm not sure if anything actually changed in the work environment or people just got used to not being in it.
Sometimes taking a step back allows you to realise just how ****ed up some everyday things are.

The main thing I've noticed , large companies have a good mental health policy in place but a good 75% of MH problems are exasperated by the company in one way or another , usually a manager making their own interpretation of work practices or policy, good work practices can be Champagne in the boardroom but by the time it reaches the shop floor it's fizzy water

 

[Left on the Shelf]

Champagne in the boardroom but by the time it reaches the shop floor it's stale piss

Sorted for you

 

[remembercolinlee]

Thanks to everyone for their kind thoughts this week...really was helpful and supportive

 

[perrymanlegend]

Question for mods, is this thread important enough to made a sticky?