Mental Health Thread

[Left on the Shelf]

Love your family and friends as we do not know what is round the corner

Never a truer word, Alfie!
So sorry to hear this and can only send heartfelt best wishes to you both. Stay strong!

 

["Thanks for that Brian"]

I have not shared this before but my wife was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer in April, very little symptoms apart from a feeling of not digesting food and a very fit , active and healthy 66yr old , it is now stage 4 and she is undergoing palliative chemo treatment which is brutal to say the least , I shared this after Spurs61 post , we have been married 47 yrs and the doctors told us it is very unlikely we will make it to 48
Love your family and friends as we do not know what is round the corner

I'm so sorry to hear this. If there's ANYTHING at all that any of us can do...you know that you just have to say...

Love to you, your wife, your family and friends. You will be in my thoughts.

 

[remembercolinlee]

It's not as easy as some poeople may think to reach out for help. I have been battling to support my wife for over 15 years now. First she had a heart attack but with a stent recovered fairly well. Then she got renal cancer which came close to killling her but thanks to the wonderful Royal Marsden Hospital she survived. However the medication she had to take to keep it from coimng back was brutal. We got by though for nearly ten years until one evening se seemed to just disappear - no signs but became completely unresponsive - and had suffered a massive stroke. That has left her with aphasia so she finds it almost impossible to speak - she and I have learned how to communicate to a degree with some words, writing and pictures but it is very frustrating for us both. She is also unable to walk as her right side is almost completely unresponsive. She developed diabetes from excessive weight gain from her medication in the year after she got out of hospital. For nearly six years now I have been by her side and had to do everything for her. In that time her cancer has metastasized to her abdomen and lungs. She has had six monthly CT scans but after the last one the Royal Free who are now her oncology team said there is little point in her continuing to have them as there is no treatment she can endure. It seems she will wait until the symptoms develop and I guess it will then be respite care.

We have a physiotherapist who comes from time to time when she needs help but aside from that there is nobody.

Except from the six monthly hospital scan visits neither of us have been more than a mile from home for six years. When I have to go to the chemist or similar I am acutely conscious that she is home alone and extremely vulnerable. I get there and back in 30 minutes tops. She is housebound but we have a nice garden which is where we have our best time.

Where we live neighbours will nod hello but do not want to socialise or be invoved so we essentially know nobody. On three or four occasions my wife has fallen down while I am transferring her from chair to toilet/ bed or whatever and I have managed to get neighbours in to help me lift her back into a chair (they then disappear speedlly) and so far her injuries from falls have not been too bad and physio has helped. I fear every tme I have to transfer her that she will break something and be hospitalised.

Our children have their own families and live a long way away; at best they make sympatheitc noises but offer no real help.

What though could they or anyone esle do. There is nothing anyone can do. Yes perhaps a little sympathy - but who really wants that? I would try to move closer to one of the children or even into some kind of care facility but Mrs S does not want that. She loves this house and garden and wants to die here not in some strange new place.

If I did not wake up one morning I would escape from all this but I could not even contemplate that as a solution knowing what I left behind.


Well sorry about this post. I will wait a few miniutes to see if I reall y need to post it. I have never dumped like this anywhere before and am not happy about doing so here but just feel so totally helpless.

that's an awful situation but you are a fantastic person for doing what you are.

I know people think that the samaritans are only there for those about to end their lives but they will listen to anyone ... you can call from any phone for free on
116123.

I know that sharing on here has made me feel looked after...I hope it does the same for you 61.

all the best

 

[Spurs61]

Thank you all for your kind comments and wishes. I was very nervous about posting it but the response has made me glad that I did.

 

[Spurs61]

I have not shared this before but my wife was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer in April, very little symptoms apart from a feeling of not digesting food and a very fit , active and healthy 66yr old , it is now stage 4 and she is undergoing palliative chemo treatment which is brutal to say the least , I shared this after Spurs61 post , we have been married 47 yrs and the doctors told us it is very unlikely we will make it to 48
Love your family and friends as we do not know what is round the corner

Best wishes to you and your wife Alfie. Pancreatic cancer took my brother-in-law many years ago he was only about 50 and had no symptoms until it was nearly all over.
As you say love your family and friends and do not put off all your plans till tomorrow as you really do not know what is around the corner.

When we lived near London a neighbour's wife got dementia and he said to us that they had so many plans for their retirement but she no longer knew who he was half the time. Inspired by that I retired early and as soon as our youngest went to University we daftly went on the programme Escape to the Country and ended up buying a 35 acre farm near Carmarthen. We only had a year there before Mrs S61 was diagnosed with a tumour which in typical Welsh fashion they described as about the size of a rugby ball (she thought she just had a type of flu) - but that was one of the best years of our lives. We bought sheep, goats, chickens, Shetland ponies and dug about 30 vegetable beds whilst letting local farmers use much of the land. No regrets even though we had to sell and move back near London for Mrs S61's treatment.

If you have plans - do them while you can.

 

[Alfie Conn]

Thanks to you all , we take each day as it comes because we do not know whats round the corner , Carol is one of those organisers, our marriage is one of those easy going partnerships where we Carried out traditional roles, I still worked until last month , the company have given me compassionate leave but it's the transfer of various things , insurance, bank accounts , standing orders ect , cancellation of a holiday was a massive ball ache and getting past the GPs reception, spending hours in A&E is draining but the staff are brilliant and the organisation by the hospice staff will be forever greatful but without doubt the hardest part is gradually breaking the news to the grandkids age 10,7,5 and 2
Thanks once again

 

[remembercolinlee]

I have not shared this before but my wife was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer in April, very little symptoms apart from a feeling of not digesting food and a very fit , active and healthy 66yr old , it is now stage 4 and she is undergoing palliative chemo treatment which is brutal to say the least , I shared this after Spurs61 post , we have been married 47 yrs and the doctors told us it is very unlikely we will make it to 48
Love your family and friends as we do not know what is round the corner

Sorry you are both going through this...thinking of you

 

[BinghamSpur]

I have not shared this before but my wife was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer in April, very little symptoms apart from a feeling of not digesting food and a very fit , active and healthy 66yr old , it is now stage 4 and she is undergoing palliative chemo treatment which is brutal to say the least , I shared this after Spurs61 post , we have been married 47 yrs and the doctors told us it is very unlikely we will make it to 48
Love your family and friends as we do not know what is round the corner

So very sad to hear this and love to you all for the future...

 

[Left on the Shelf]

I hate linking to Facebook but this is worth it.
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/19vhsaf5L1/

 

[Spurs61]

Life has a way of kicking peope even when they are down. I tripped and fell ouside on Monday - was badly shaken up and was not sure if I had badly bruised or broken some ribs. Online suggested it made no difference as the solution is simply wait until they heal and take painkillers. I did but supporting someone else to prevent them falling when you are not steady yourself is a challenge.
Thought that was it but Tuesday morning - just sitting down I began to feel faint and could only see stars and coloured shapes - managed to take blood pressure which had fallen to 65/42 which I knew was not good. I called 999 and about an hour later ambulance arrived. By then BP had revived to over 100/60 so I was a lot better. ECG showed some slight abnormality in my heart but not serious, They suggested they take me in for a fuller cardiac test but I refused as I have nobody else to look after Mrs S61. Been OK since and chest pain easing but feel totally vulnerable.
We have decided to sell our house and move nearer to two of our daughters so that in an emergency we might at least have some support. Has made us very sad as we love it here and it is the second house we have had to move from for medical reasons. Not sure now whether to get a bungalow or look for some sort of protective housing so that Mrs S61 has more reliable support.
Ain't life grand ?

 

[Left on the Shelf]

Life has a way of kicking peope even when they are down. I tripped and fell ouside on Monday - was badly shaken up and was not sure if I had badly bruised or broken some ribs. Online suggested it made no difference as the solution is simply wait until they heal and take painkillers. I did but supporting someone else to prevent them falling when you are not steady yourself is a challenge.
Thought that was it but Tuesday morning - just sitting down I began to feel faint and could only see stars and coloured shapes - managed to take blood pressure which had fallen to 65/42 which I knew was not good. I called 999 and about an hour later ambulance arrived. By then BP had revived to over 100/60 so I was a lot better. ECG showed some slight abnormality in my heart but not serious, They suggested they take me in for a fuller cardiac test but I refused as I have nobody else to look after Mrs S61. Been OK since and chest pain easing but feel totally vulnerable.
We have decided to sell our house and move nearer to two of our daughters so that in an emergency we might at least have some support. Has made us very sad as we love it here and it is the second house we have had to move from for medical reasons. Not sure now whether to get a bungalow or look for some sort of protective housing so that Mrs S61 has more reliable support.
Ain't life grand ?

So sorry to hear your news! "It never rains..."
And it's tougher still when you have to make choices that you really don't want to have to make.
But having the options - and the possible family support option - at least provides some positive resolution, I hope?

Take good care of yourself / yourselves.

 

[Citizen Kane.]

Life has a way of kicking peope even when they are down. I tripped and fell ouside on Monday - was badly shaken up and was not sure if I had badly bruised or broken some ribs. Online suggested it made no difference as the solution is simply wait until they heal and take painkillers. I did but supporting someone else to prevent them falling when you are not steady yourself is a challenge.
Thought that was it but Tuesday morning - just sitting down I began to feel faint and could only see stars and coloured shapes - managed to take blood pressure which had fallen to 65/42 which I knew was not good. I called 999 and about an hour later ambulance arrived. By then BP had revived to over 100/60 so I was a lot better. ECG showed some slight abnormality in my heart but not serious, They suggested they take me in for a fuller cardiac test but I refused as I have nobody else to look after Mrs S61. Been OK since and chest pain easing but feel totally vulnerable.
We have decided to sell our house and move nearer to two of our daughters so that in an emergency we might at least have some support. Has made us very sad as we love it here and it is the second house we have had to move from for medical reasons. Not sure now whether to get a bungalow or look for some sort of protective housing so that Mrs S61 has more reliable support.
Ain't life grand ?

This is the scariest part of the story.

Unbelievable how bad our public services are.

 

[Alfie Conn]

Life has a way of kicking peope even when they are down. I tripped and fell ouside on Monday - was badly shaken up and was not sure if I had badly bruised or broken some ribs. Online suggested it made no difference as the solution is simply wait until they heal and take painkillers. I did but supporting someone else to prevent them falling when you are not steady yourself is a challenge.
Thought that was it but Tuesday morning - just sitting down I began to feel faint and could only see stars and coloured shapes - managed to take blood pressure which had fallen to 65/42 which I knew was not good. I called 999 and about an hour later ambulance arrived. By then BP had revived to over 100/60 so I was a lot better. ECG showed some slight abnormality in my heart but not serious, They suggested they take me in for a fuller cardiac test but I refused as I have nobody else to look after Mrs S61. Been OK since and chest pain easing but feel totally vulnerable.
We have decided to sell our house and move nearer to two of our daughters so that in an emergency we might at least have some support. Has made us very sad as we love it here and it is the second house we have had to move from for medical reasons. Not sure now whether to get a bungalow or look for some sort of protective housing so that Mrs S61 has more reliable support.
Ain't life grand ?

I feel your pain mate
My wife has just spent the last 14 days in hospital moved wards 3 times mainly due to over crowding and the patients with mental health or dementia, finally today she has moved to a local hospice , the illness has moved on such a pace doctors have advised us to stop chemo and palliative care now to the end , 8weeks ago people found it hard to see that Carol had cancer in that time she has lost 2 stone and all her strength , the family are now making the best time we have left together

 

[Left on the Shelf]

I fell your pain mate
My wife has just spent the last 14 days in hospital moved wards 3 times mainly due to over crowding and the patients with mental health or dementia, finally today she has moved to a local hospice , the illness has moved on such a pace doctors have advised us to stop chemo and palliative care now to the end , 8weeks ago people found it hard to see that Carol had cancer in that time she has lost 2 stone and all her strength , the family are now making the best time we have left together

No words, Alfie. No words!
Stay strong, make the most of that time and remember all the great times I'm sure you had together!

 

[remembercolinlee]

I fell your pain mate
My wife has just spent the last 14 days in hospital moved wards 3 times mainly due to over crowding and the patients with mental health or dementia, finally today she has moved to a local hospice , the illness has moved on such a pace doctors have advised us to stop chemo and palliative care now to the end , 8weeks ago people found it hard to see that Carol had cancer in that time she has lost 2 stone and all her strength , the family are now making the best time we have left together

I don't have the words mate...take care and allow others to look after you

 

[remembercolinlee]

Life has a way of kicking peope even when they are down. I tripped and fell ouside on Monday - was badly shaken up and was not sure if I had badly bruised or broken some ribs. Online suggested it made no difference as the solution is simply wait until they heal and take painkillers. I did but supporting someone else to prevent them falling when you are not steady yourself is a challenge.
Thought that was it but Tuesday morning - just sitting down I began to feel faint and could only see stars and coloured shapes - managed to take blood pressure which had fallen to 65/42 which I knew was not good. I called 999 and about an hour later ambulance arrived. By then BP had revived to over 100/60 so I was a lot better. ECG showed some slight abnormality in my heart but not serious, They suggested they take me in for a fuller cardiac test but I refused as I have nobody else to look after Mrs S61. Been OK since and chest pain easing but feel totally vulnerable.
We have decided to sell our house and move nearer to two of our daughters so that in an emergency we might at least have some support. Has made us very sad as we love it here and it is the second house we have had to move from for medical reasons. Not sure now whether to get a bungalow or look for some sort of protective housing so that Mrs S61 has more reliable support.
Ain't life grand ?

Take care 61 x

 

[Spurf]

The best of human beings is on this thread. @Spurs61 , @Alfie Conn

 

[Spurs61]

The best of human beings is on this thread. @Spurs61 , @Alfie Conn

You are totally right. Such kind caring responses

 

[Spurs61]

I fell your pain mate
My wife has just spent the last 14 days in hospital moved wards 3 times mainly due to over crowding and the patients with mental health or dementia, finally today she has moved to a local hospice , the illness has moved on such a pace doctors have advised us to stop chemo and palliative care now to the end , 8weeks ago people found it hard to see that Carol had cancer in that time she has lost 2 stone and all her strength , the family are now making the best time we have left together

Alfie - you and your wife are in my thoughts - stay strong. Best wishes Spurs61

 

[BinghamSpur]

My thoughts are with both of you @Alfie Conn and @Spurs61. It just makes me realise how lucky I am...