Off Topic Mental Health Discussion Thread

Sorry for the delay in this Febbos and Paul , just wanted to pass on my condolences. My mother is currently in hospital and at the weekend we got told that all immediate family needed to get to the hospital that night , as it turned out it was some sort of false alarm but just for a few hours I felt what it’s like and will be like one day , and wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy .

 

This year continues to be a mess

One of my best friends went missing on Monday. She was the one I stayed with after my mom passed, also the one that came along the days before.

I felt that something was off a couple of weeks ago. She went from being bubbly, to closed, didn't seem interesting in talking.
I asked if something was wrong, if I had said something. She explained how drained she felt after the summer, trying to work through a cold, not having any energy.
She apologized for "being a bad friend when you've needed me the most".

I explained how she's been the one that's helped me through everything, how much she has meant.
I told her to focus on feeling better, get the rest she needs. Just contact me whenever if she wanted to talk, take a walk, whatever.

We work together as well, so I get that space is important. We didn't really talk much in the days after, but she felt distant.

On Monday she worked from home. I noticed she was offline and I asked my manager if she had called in sick.
My manager gave her a call and she logged in after while, before logging out shortly after, claiming she had connection problems.
My manager called her again and could tell that she felt a bit off, so it was suggested that she should take the day off, so she could rest.

She was supposed to work with me in the office on Tuesday. I kept a nervous eye on the clock, feeling that she wouldn't turn up, that something was wrong.
I asked my manager, who got worried. She asked if I could go check on the apartment where my friend lives (15 min walk from the office).
I went over. Rang the bell, nothing. Knocked on the door, nothing. Shouted thorugh the mail drop, nothing.
Slight panic.
I contemplated what to do. I then realized that the door was unlocked. Shivers down my spine.
I opened it, shouted her name. Walked through the apartment, opened every door with fear.


I called her sister, and she also confirmed that she thought something had been a bit off with lately.
I reported her missing to the police.

As this post is dragging out, I'll try to cut it short.

I wasn't able to tell any colleague at work about it, for her sake, in case she'd suddenly show up. It did my head in.
Colleagues joking around, whiles I couldn't focus on anything else.
Her family wanted to wait a while before posting anything online.

I walked past her apartment between Wed-Fri at 06:00, checked if something has changed from street level.
All the lights were suddenly on yesterday. I froze, didn't know what to do, perhaps my mind playing games?
I jogged up the stairs, rang the doorbell. No response. Rang it again. I hear a mans voice from inside the apartment.
It's her ex boyfriend, says he's having a look out, decided to sleep over.
I thought it was a bit weird, but confirmed with her sister that they agreed he'd go by and check.

A national search/post went out yesterday, so news broke at the office a bit before that.
It was all a bit too much for me. The deja vu from all "How are you feeling?" a month ago, as they know we're close.

They found her in Norway yesterday, hospitalised, but alive.
Incredible relief.

My mind is still spinning.

 

Trying to figure everything out, walking to places where we used to be..
Can't imagine what her parents went through, also puts disapperances in general in such perspective, never experienced anything near.
Trying to find out who spoke to her last, when, about what.
Her English speaking friend gave the same recollection as most others



Hopefully some uneventful months to come

 

Feel for you.It's the last thing you needed after your loss.

Stay strong

Ric

 

I haven't got any words of wisdom mate. Only words of support. Hang in there,I hope everything works out for the best.

Take care.

 

I've always had this feeling that I will die young and since my dad passed away it really started to bother me alot.

My dads, dad died at 66, my mums dad died at 57, my stepdad died at 56 and dad died at 68.

It's really affected me now.

 

So many awful losses, I feel for you Casual. I think that it would really benefit you to work through those concerns with a therapist, if you can.

 

i don't know one would deal with that. i've a friend who lost her parents at 59 and 62. she's healthy and active and not far off those ages, and there's no sign of her waning.

i suppose there are two ways to react, and one is to make the most of the rest of your time. you don't mention whether your people became ill. you won't share genetics with your stepdad, so his early departure shouldn't be a factor from that aspect.

i do wonder if it's possible to make some sort of pact with yourself and resolve not to let it get you down and to do things and enjoy your time. my target is set at at least a hundred, though the most a relative has reached that i'm aware of is 94.

 

Apologise if this has been put up before, but I thought it was great.

 

Stay strong Febbos.

 

Hi just set up a new account to post here as don't feel comfortable posting under my normal username as friends, family and work colleagues know my username.

Anyway only just noticed this thread as don't tend to look at the stickies. Just wanted to say hi and may post more later

 

Hi
Hope you feel able to post what you want/need to say, and I’m sure you’ll be treated with respect from an amazingly supportive bunch of people.

 

There is always a friendly arm on the shoulder on here for ya.

 

Thank you everyone.

Don't really know what to say and feel a bit daft as I can see from skimming th8s thread (and already knew) that so many people have it much worse than me.

On the face of things I'm successful and earn more than a decent wage still have both my parents a lovely wife and children.

But I just feel so lonely.

I get on with all my work colleagues but no spark of friendship. I thought I had some friends but come to realise that they are more acquaintances that say the right thing (I'm here for you/ pop round anytime) but don't really mean it. Have a loving wife but she is really struggling with physical health conditions that is affecting her mental health.

 

That’s really tough
Get some counselling through let’s talk if you live in hull

also Andy’s Man Club is brilliant for blokes that are struggling

 

And how can I forget to say one of my kids struggles and has admitted to self harm(only very minor) and suicidal thoughts. We are getting her help though.

 

I'm far from an expert, but many people have said they've felt better for talking about the issues, and the general consensus seems to be that recognising that there is an issue is one of the biggest steps you can take towards managing it.

I'm sure there will be wiser people than me along to offer support and information, but keep talking, as it really does seem to help.

 

East Riding same service as Hull different 'Brand' name..
Emotional Wellbeing Service
https://humberews.co.uk/

Hull Let's Talk
https://www.letstalkhull.co.uk/

 

And this is possibly impacting on you in ways that you may not be accepting because it seems selfish to do so.

I mean, I don't know, because I don't know you, but it resonates with me.

My Missus has had a hell of a year. Three lots of major surgery since February; the first time she was in surgery for 12 hours and ended up in ICU. The impact on her mentally as well as physically has been really tough for her.

I've found it really tough to deal with too. So I've done the normal bloke thing of cracking on, being practical and making light of things.

But the consequences of her illness means that some things will never be as they were.

And adjustments are needed.


I guess what I'm saying is that changes in other people's lives can impact on our own in ways that, initially, we don't expect.

All the best Marra.

Ernie.

 

I think sometimes, we expect far too much of ourselves, and there are plenty of occasions where it is perfectly normal and reasonable to not be 'okay'. In fact, there are plenty of times when it would be odd if we were actually okay.