Off Topic Mental Health Discussion Thread

Both my wife’s and mine own birthdays today.
We have had a great weekend. Spent yesterday filling a skip of rubbish from the house, garden and sheds that had built up over the years. We started to clear cupboards in April and the council tip, rationed visits, leaving us to put everything back!

Today we went out and had breakfast with my daughters family. My lad had 175 at his pop up restaurant yesterday and today so he was too busy to see much of us, but we understand and our pride at his success bouys us up.

My family came and worked with me to fill the skip, we ate with our family last night and again today. My Son rang and asked for my help at 9am yesterday and then sorted things out himself. We sat and talked with our children and grandchildren, shared memories and looked to the future. Smiles and laughter, combined with family unity in tasks, made this a great weekend.

Febbos, moving back home for a bit isn’t a failure, it’s a success, being able to do that simple thing is a success, believe me. Your parents will be proud of what you have done and it looks like they will be there for your future. Feel good about it.

 

I don’t know why but I love a bit of decluttering and generally just binning things. Feel much better after it.

Doubt anybody else in the house is too happy about it when I’ve finished though.

 

I've spent a bit of time reading this thread and having done so I wish to apologise for jumping in earlier. It really is heartwarming to read how people have responded to another's concerns.
Something that I thought may be worth adding, as well as being apt for myself, is just how important it is to be kind and compassionate, not only to others but to ourselves. Forgiving ourselves for our mistakes and becoming acceptant of our bad parts, not just our good, goes a long way.

 

Last night a big thing happened in our house. Our seven year old boy, whom we adopted at six months old suffers terribly with anxiety. The first time we noticed him struggling was on his second birthday, so he's been feeling it for years. It's been hard for us to know what's going on for him, as he's a complex little chap, but last night he was able to tell my wife that he's scared of being outside of the house, even in the garden.
It was heartbreaking to hear that things are so difficult for him, but it's an incredibly positive moment. He has spent years masking his anxiety in a million different ways and now, he was able to verbalise what's actually going on for him. It fills me with so much hope for the future. Very, very proud of my boy.

 

Big moment
Big step
Well done to you for creating an environment he could open up in
Good luck with the next steps

 

Thank you, it feels massive.
Lockdown gave us the opportunity to really make him feel safe and secure, it was a blessing for us, not that it felt that way for a lot of it! It's nice that good things can come out of something so terrible.

 

I couldn't add anything to that if I spent a day thinking about it....You'll get there off the line.

 

Thanks Ric, for possibly the first time ever I genuinely believe that we will.

Edit: I should rephrase that, it's the first time I can see how it's possible, I've always had the belief.

 

• Dr Max Pemberton was knocked by the prospect of another full UK lockdown
• He has already seen an increase in the number of patients who feel the same
• Psychiatrist shares things that can help to beat the blues including reading

My six steps to keep smiling in the face of a second wave: Max Pemberton
17hrs ago

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Dr Max recommends limiting how much time you spend online and unfollowing those who post negative material (file image)
It has been dubbed ‘doom scrolling’ — when people look through social media for bad news. And that’s understandable from a psychological perspective — when we are worried, we tend to seek out negative stories as a way to validate our feelings. In fact, we just make ourselves even more anxious.

So limit how much you are online and mute or unfollow people who post negative material. Try to find light-hearted things that make you smile. You are more in control of your mood than you think.

Binge on a writer

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The NHS psychiatrist said he's often recommended to his patients that they immerse themselves in a book (file image)
The amazing thing about the mind is that, while it can trap us with negative thoughts, we can also use it to escape. The fashion for bingeing on box sets is passive and doesn’t use the brain to its full extent. Instead, I’ve often recommended to patients that they immerse themselves in a writer’s world by reading everything they have written. I’m currently doing all of Dickens — reading everything someone has written is quite different from just picking up their books occasionally. You really start to know the writer and inhabit their world. By the end, they feel like a friend.

Get a pot plant

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Dr Max said one of the occupational therapists at his work has suggested those who live in a flat should fill their lounge with plants (file image)
There is something incredibly relaxing and therapeutic about looking after another living thing.

While several of my patients got pets during the pandemic in order to have a bit of company and, in the case of dogs, a reason to leave the house each day, that is not practical for everyone.

One of the occupational therapists at work suggested to a patient who lived in a flat that they should fill their lounge with plants, and it struck me what a good idea this was.

Seeing a plant grow and looking after it is immensely rewarding. If they flourish, take cuttings and send them to friends, which will boost your mood even further.

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Dr Max revealed he's a great fan of writing lists and believes they can be helpful when you're feeling overwhelmed (file image)
Compile a list

My heart swelled with pride to see Brits volunteering in the world’s first Covid-19 vaccine challenge trial. While they receive medical monitoring, this is still an experimental treatment and could have serious health implications, not least from the virus itself. Each deserves a medal.

I’m a great fan of writing lists, as it helps stop thoughts or worries whirring round your mind. If ever you feel overwhelmed, make a list, then an action plan for how you’re going to tackle things — but turn this into something special by investing in a lovely notebook.

The additional benefit of writing things down is that you can look back a few months later and see how most of the things you were worried about never happened.

If you are unsure how to go about tackling your list, there are some good notebooks and work books that take you through this step by step. MyndMap is good (myndmap.co), while MindJournal (mindjournals.com) is especially designed for men.

Several of my patients have given them to husbands who find it hard to talk about how they are feeling.

Small things matter

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Dr Max said joy is all around us but we have to learn to look for it, one of his pleasures has been treating himself to a luxury liquid soap (file image)
Joy is all around us, sitting in the everyday and mundane, if we only learn to look for it.

A few things have brought me particular pleasure over the past week, and the first was treating myself to some lovely luxury liquid soap — it makes continually washing my hands a delight.

I’ve found an amazing one from Noble Isle that smells of rhubarb and is so good, I can’t wait to use it each time.

You’re so vain -- but men are, too

It’s long been assumed women worry more about their clothes and appearance, while a man’s ‘beauty routine’ involves little more than giving himself a squirt of aftershave. Of course, this is complete nonsense. I’ve often thought men are far more vain than women — they are just better at hiding it. Last week, research showed that a huge proportion of men believe they aged more in lockdown — and almost two million of them are considering having a cosmetic procedure. Some may see this as men taking pride in themselves but I’m not so sure.

Underpinning it is a lack of self-esteem and self-worth that I don’t think we should be celebrating. Men are taking on the insecurities about appearance that have dogged women for years. It might be equality but it’s not progress.

 

Not a big reader but might take his advice and 'get a pot plant'..

 

Very very true.

 

The EFL and its Clubs will once again come together with charity partner, Mind, to collectively mark World Mental Health Day (Saturday 10 October) this year.

With Mind’s latest research revealing that more than 60% of adults and over two thirds of young people (68%) felt their mental health deteriorated during the coronavirus pandemic and lockdown, encouraging conversations around our own mental health and that of others has never been more important.

Mind’s ‘do one thing’ campaign aims to inspire people to make one small change or take one action to look after their mental health. As part of the campaign, EFL Clubs will play their part and ‘do one thing’ to say thank you to someone deserving within their local communities.



For example:

• Barrow AFC will be delivering match programmes and flowers to an elderly life-long supporter who has been telling friends how much she is missing football.
• Crawley Town will organise a number of activities including delivery of a signed shirt, phone calls from players to fans and a zoom quiz for Extra Time Hub participants
• Millwall will hold a virtual coffee morning with a number of players, community trust staff and participants of the Club’s mental health programme discussing wellbeing and Covid-19
• MK Dons will be holding mental health workshops throughout the week working with teenagers to highlight the importance of talking about their mental health

From Monday 5 October, Clubs and Club Community Organisations (CCOs) will be sharing their activity and advice across their channels throughout the next week.

Supporters can get involved in the campaign by sharing their ‘one thing’ of advice or activities across social media.

EFL Chief Executive, David Baldwin, said: “It is fantastic to see EFL Clubs come together to once again mark World Mental Health Day and support our charity partner, Mind.

“Looking after our mental health and that of others has always been vital but as we all feel the effects of the Coronavirus pandemic and lockdown, it has never been more important to continue to raise awareness and encourage conversations around the subject.

“The various activity taking place this week is a small example of how our Clubs and their respective Club Community Organisations are at the forefront of tackling some of society’s biggest issues. They play a vital role in improving the lives of so many people within communities across the country.

“I’d encourage everyone to get involved and ‘do one thing’ this week - one small action may have a much bigger impact on those around you and help someone in need.”

Chief Executive of Mind, Paul Farmer, said: “World Mental Health Day 2020 is arguably the most important one yet, so we’re delighted to join with our charity partner the EFL and its Clubs for it again.

“Coronavirus has undoubtedly affected the lives and routines of many fans. Whether that’s seeing familiar faces on the terraces on match day or celebrating/commiserating the result with fellow fans after, many fans will feel that the current climate has left them less able to do the things that support their mental health.

“Whether it's going for a walk, learning a new skill or doing something creative, taking the first steps to getting support for yourself, or reaching out to someone else; Mind and the EFL are encouraging fans to ‘do one thing’ for better mental health this World Mental Health Day.”

This is the latest activity by the EFL and Mind, who are currently in Year Three of their ground-breaking charity partnership which aims to raise awareness of mental health amongst fans and the wider public, help raise funds for Mind to deliver life changing services and improve the approach to mental health in the EFL and Clubs.

The League recently celebrated the impact of the charity partnership over the last two seasons, with the results available to view here - https://www.efl.com/news/2020/august/efl-and-mind-celebrate-two-seasons-on-on-your-side-partnership/

For more information on how to get involved with ‘Do one thing’ on World Mental Health Day see mind.org.uk/wmhd

For more information on the EFL and Mind’s charity partnership visit - https://www.efl.com/-more/all- about-the-efl/official-charity/

If you need support from Mind visit Mind.org.uk for information and advice. You can also talk to Mind via the confidential Infoline on 0300 123 3393 or text 86463.

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-manchester-54479621

 

I only intended to post a verse of this but if you want to understand Ian's depression then you need to have it all.

Debbie says that if Ian had sought help then he wouldn't have taken his own life.



When routine bites hard,
And ambitions are low,
And resentment rides high,
But emotions won't grow,
And we're changing our ways,
Taking different roads.

Then love, love will tear us apart again.
Love, love will tear us apart again.

Why is the bedroom so cold?
You've turned away on your side.
Is my timing that flawed?
Our respect runs so dry.
Yet there's still this appeal
That we've kept through our lives.

But love, love will tear us apart again.
Love, love will tear us apart again.

You cry out in your sleep,
All my failings exposed.
And there's a taste in my mouth,
As desperation takes hold.
Just that something so good
Just can't function no more.

But love, love will tear us apart again.
Love, love will tear us apart again.
Love, love will tear us apart again.
Love, love will tear us apart again.




There's always another way.

RIP Ian Curtis.

 

We have been on a short break in Cornwall. It is the best medicine that you can have in our situation.
I have been diving with my mates and the wife has sat by the sea.
Tonight we had a BBQ on the beach under a super night sky full of stars.

 

Was not aware that Brian Lenihan had attempted suicide via pills after praying at a Catholic church in Cottingham. Had always believed from the reports back then that he had had dark thoughts but didn't actually try to take his own life. Story out today in various media outlets.

 

And fair play to Roy Keane.

Only goes to show that when you need help it can come from the most unlikely sources.

 

I read the piece by Phil Buckingham over the weekend, he must have been in a very dark place. He seems to hint that Slutsky's handling of him tipped him over the edge, and felt hard done by, by the club.

I saw quite a bit of him in the U23's and really thought he would breakthrough into the first team, but after a year and a half being out with the 2 injuries, Leo obviously felt he was too much of a risk to keep him.