Masturbating Spider watched me whilst I showered

Not any more, Afro Stan!

Not with those pervert spiders on the loose.

 

I'm not depraved ffs!

I knock it out into a flannel, mate.

 

If that was the case I'd be building houses for the rest of my life This week alone I've had 4 red centipedes 4-5" long two hairy spiders and a scorpion in my lounge.

 

While you eat a Findus meal for one?

 

Plagiarist!

That ought to entitle me to a bumper-load of points in Pixie's shamefully tragic Tears Of A Clown thread.

 

That sounds like the worst party ever.

 

Says a 55 year old man living at home eating Findus meals for one knocking one out in his mothers flannel. Tears of a clown indeed Bell. The song should be your anthem.

 

That's not including the myriad of other flying beetles n bugs but you're right the buggers don't drink.

 

Do you have one of those electric zapper thingy's that kill the flying bugs?

 

Yeah have a tennis racket style zapper for the mossies but they don't bother me much tbf. ****ing ants are the ones that get me everytime.

 

The humble ant, power in numbers. Rather you than me bud.

 

Sounds like a William Burroughs party

 

Sounds like one of your needy "Everybody Please Love Me!" threads, Pix.

 

Could have predicted that my comment would have flown over your head

 

It didn't. I merely chose to reinterpret what you wrote to further my wum-agenda, mate.

 

So you took a comment that you didn't understand and responded with nonsense. Got it

 

More proof that spiders are perverts:
http://www.livescience.com/56303-man-in-australia-gets-two-penis-spider-bites.html


An unlucky Australian tradesman wound up in the hospital this week for a spider bite on his penis — and it's the second time it's happened to him this year.




The 21-year-old was using a portable toilet on a Sydney building site Tuesday (Sept. 27), when he "felt the sting" that he was familiar with because of the previous incident, the BBC reported. In April, the man, Jordan (he did not reveal his last name), was treated for a redback spider bite, which was also on his penis and also occurred during a visit to a work site's portable toilet.

"After the first time it happened, I didn't really want to use one again," he told the BBC. But the "toilets got cleaned that day, and I thought it was my opportunity to go use one. Had a look under both seats, and then I sat down, did my business. Next thing you know, I'm bent over in pain."




Jordan was unsure of what species of spider bit him this time around, but redback spiders are venomous, and their bites can cause severe pain, sweating and nausea. Closely related to the black widow spider, redbacks are distinguished by their namesake trait: a long, red stripe on the abdomen.

Redbacks are relatively common in Australia, and about 2,000 people are bitten by these spiders each year, according to the Australian Museum. But to be bitten twice, on the penis, in less than six months, makes Jordan "the most unlucky guy in the country," he said. [5 Weird Effects of Real Spider Bites]

According to news reports, Jordan was treated for the bite and released in good health. However, spider bites have resulted in some bizarre side effects over the years.

In fact, one spider's venom contains a toxin that can induce erections.The Brazilian wandering spider's venom attracted the attention of the pharmaceutical industry for this effect.




FYI, the Brazilian wandering spider, I looked it up and apparently it has another name. The banana spider.

 

I reckon 'felt the sting' might be an euphemism for his being caught in the toilet with a Redback chowing on his nob.

 

DO SPIDERS HAVE COCKS?

 

Yes, infact they break their dicks off inside the female spider and leave it in there.
Their cock then grows back