Off Topic Marriage
- Thread starter joeisonfire
- Start date
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A police officer called the station on his radio.
"I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet. The floor's still wet."
"I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet. The floor's still wet."
The wife's just left me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension.
She says she just can't take it any longer.
She says she just can't take it any longer.
What are the two most important holes on a womans body?
Not its not them ya dirty ****ers.
Its.....
Her nostrils. They allow her to breathe while she is sucking your cock.
Not its not them ya dirty ****ers.
Its.....
Her nostrils. They allow her to breathe while she is sucking your cock.
Even though it's tradition, don't encourage your best man to sleep with a bridesmaid. Sounds romantic but causes no end of trouble
Best man at my first wedding slept with the bride - twas one of the reasons that became referred to as "my first marriage" (it was a few years after the wedding mind!)
Bit **** that like
It's in the past and she wasn't a pleasant lass like I've got now - But I threw him out in the snow with no clothes on when I caught them at it!! Then locked the door! First thought in my mind when I caught them was more along the lines of "I've got a reason to get out" rather than any violence towards him - then the red mist descended!) I'm in a much better place now - nearly 8 years married with 2 fantastic kids and an amazing (and gorgeous) wife - my life couldn't be better except for the football!!!!
Yeah I was after the red mist came down but I wasn't that bothered about the marriage breaking up! And to get back at her and him I shagged the lass who dumped him because he slept with my wife - in his bed!!!!
That's pretty much the ****test thing I can possibly imagine mate
Glad it all worked out for you in the end 
Are you in for a shock Joe. They change after marriage. They inherit their Mothers genes which have been handed down for 4 million years. Their DNA (which does not lie) can be traced back to a little beast in Africa which, in Latin, is called Dunemus Rodentus or, in English Dunemus - Dunny - S hithouse / Rodentus - Rodent - Rat and 2 million years ago they cross-bred with the dreaded Nagasaurus Rex.
Beware.
Beware.
Hes not gonna answer you man.
He only got married yesterday. So while she was in the mood. For the last time. He stuck it up her hoop. Knowing fine well its the last time he.ll get away with the. Sorry sweetheart it was an accident it slipped. Excuse.
Yes, before we marry they are sucking our dicks like they've got Diabetes and our dicks are full of insulin.
After we marry it's "Awww, go'n have a w@nk"!
It's always good to mention to new husbands that when THEY are sick all they will get from the new wife is a glass of water, a packet of aspirins and "I'm going out"! Whereas when the new wife is sick she will have got every disease known to man ("And it's all YOUR fault") and you will have to be there 24/7 whilst she rolls around the bed, moaning and groaning, with a sore ankle like Ronaldo does when he's just been tripped up.
All went will,gift to Barcelona was great. So off tomorrow then get to see barca v Leverkusen on Tue
She may like Messi.s crotch buldge and run off with some hunky spanish casanova and go frolicking naked in the waves drinking sangria. While you are sat at a bar talking about footy.
Just saying like.