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Off Topic Lighten Up - have a laugh: Warning, may contain Adult Material

Discussion in 'Horse Racing' started by Ron, Oct 31, 2011.

  1. QuarterMoonII

    QuarterMoonII Economist

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    The box is way too big, Matt, unless it is for a whole school
    please log in to view this image

     
    #1441
  2. SwanHills

    SwanHills Well-Known Member

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    #1442
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2021
  3. Ron

    Ron Well-Known Member
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  4. Ron

    Ron Well-Known Member
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    A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her stammerer's action group, with an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman. She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success.
    Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said "If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first?"
    The Englishman piped up. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham", he said.
    "That's no use, George," said the speech therapist, "who's next?"
    The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".
    “That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish. How about you, Paddy?”
    The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out "London".
    “Brilliant, Paddy!” said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise.
    After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said.."-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry...".
     
    #1444
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  5. QuarterMoonII

    QuarterMoonII Economist

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    'Semi-naked Chinese female spy is caught hiding in a wardrobe at Navy base in Somerset where she had been staying with her aircraft technician lover for TWO WEEKS'

    I was talking to a colleague this morning who has a friend in the navy, based at Yeovilton. He had been texted by his friend about how one of his mates had smuggled his girlfriend onto the base over New Year. It seems like news got out.

    I guess that is one way to have Chinese every night. I wonder if the guy got fined for breaking Covid restrictions.
     
    #1445
  6. Ron

    Ron Well-Known Member
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    Nothing like a bit on the side QM
     
    #1446
  7. Tamerlo

    Tamerlo Well-Known Member

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    911
    The founder of the Dulux Company, Mr Matt Finish, was found dead on a mountain top yesterday.
    A police spokesman said he could have done with another coat.
     
    #1447
  8. OddDog

    OddDog Mild mannered janitor
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    Jokes like that certainly add gloss to the thread Tam, but you might have primed us for it.
     
    #1448
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  9. Tamerlo

    Tamerlo Well-Known Member

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    That adds a bit of spirit to your gloss, Oddy. If I haven’t primed you enough, I can always have you sanded down.
     
    #1449
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  10. Ron

    Ron Well-Known Member
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    OMG, in the morning too <laugh>
     
    #1450
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  11. SaveTheHumans

    SaveTheHumans Well-Known Member

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    Sometimes you just have to roll with it Ron.
     
    #1451
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  12. Tamerlo

    Tamerlo Well-Known Member

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    Good morn, Ron. You obviously horse around too much!<laugh>
     
    #1452
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  13. Ron

    Ron Well-Known Member
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    You can't just brush me off with a comment like that STH
     
    #1453
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  14. Tamerlo

    Tamerlo Well-Known Member

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    Old Chinese proverb (especially for mathematicians and tipsters)...
    Man who goes to bed with stiff problem wakes up with solution in hand.
     
    #1454
  15. OddDog

    OddDog Mild mannered janitor
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    Some very clever comedy with venn diagrams <ok>

     
    #1455
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  16. SaveTheHumans

    SaveTheHumans Well-Known Member

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    On Valentine's day my missus asked me if I loved her or football more? I said, "Open your legs and let me show you". And then I nutmegged her.
     
    #1456
  17. Ron

    Ron Well-Known Member
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    Watched this twice. I believe this was in the World Championships. Has to be watched to the end

     
    #1457
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  18. QuarterMoonII

    QuarterMoonII Economist

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    We are all waiting for Nigella’s impression of Munya Chawawa

     
    #1458
  19. SwanHills

    SwanHills Well-Known Member

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    Hadn't heard this one before, so acknowledgements to Rachel Brock:

    Woman takes her sick husband to the hospital. Doctor comes our of the ER tells her "I don't like the look of your husband." She said "I don't either but he works hard and he's good with the children.
     
    #1459
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  20. OddDog

    OddDog Mild mannered janitor
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    Classic Vic & Bob <laugh>

     
    #1460
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