Off Topic Lighten Up - have a laugh: Warning, may contain Adult Material

Brilliant. We need him on Skysports

 

No PC for Rodney Rude.

 

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Jake went to the doctor and told him he was having a problem, as he was unable to get his manhood erect:
The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged and there was nothing he could do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he was willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephant's trunk into his 'old fella'.
Jake thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.
A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment.
As a result Jake planned a romantic evening with his wife Mary and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful.
To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his knob sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers.
Mary was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said. "That was incredible. Can you do that again?"
With tears in his eyes he replied. "I think I can, but I am not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse"

 

The Fourth Year school teacher asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then work for the CIA and establish contacts so as to become a billionaire smuggling guns and drugs, going to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Miami, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel all over Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.

"And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Kevin's whore."

 

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Have no idea where to put this one up, so I guess this thread will have to do!

Picture of my daughter and son-in-law's two Tonkinese cats Kibo and Dischi (brother and sister), surely two of the most spoilt pussycats in Munich? How my lass managed to do this photo I will never know:

 

They are beautiful specimens, look like wee pumas.

 

Lovely

 

Never mind................

 

Elon Musk becomes world's richest person as wealth tops $185bn

Jeff Bezos is thinking “if only I had a prenup with the ex-missus”.

The rest of us are thinking if only we had your ex-missus.

 

Don’t call me that,it’s rude