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Off Topic Lighten Up - have a laugh: Warning, may contain Adult Material

Discussion in 'Horse Racing' started by Ron, Oct 31, 2011.

  1. Ste D

    Ste D Well-Known Member

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  2. karlos5001

    karlos5001 Well-Known Member

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    How do you make an Everton fan laugh on Sunday?
    Tell them a joke on Friday.

    See you next week Toffees. YNWA :emoticon-0148-yes::emoticon-0167-beer:
     
    #1402
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  3. Cyclonic

    Cyclonic Well Hung Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #1403
  4. Cyclonic

    Cyclonic Well Hung Member

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    <laugh>

    please log in to view this image
     
    #1404
  5. Ste D

    Ste D Well-Known Member

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  6. QuarterMoonII

    QuarterMoonII Economist

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    Victoria Coren Mitchell writes a TV column for the Telegraph and Saturday’s column began thus:

    “Do you think there’s going to be another national lockdown? I was rather hoping the rules would relax as we head towards the festive season because I so love a traditional, live Christmas performance. I love the flamboyant costumes, the jolly singalongs and the helpless giggling at double entendres. And then, after church, I sometimes go to a pantomime.”

    No apologies to the God botherers. We are laughing at your expense.
     
    #1406
  7. OddDog

    OddDog Mild mannered janitor
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  8. OddDog

    OddDog Mild mannered janitor
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  9. Joe_z

    Joe_z Well-Known Member

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  10. Reebok

    Reebok YTS Mod
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    Dunno how many of you watch The Big Bang Theory, and how many of you have spotted Chuck Lorre's footnote right at the end of the credits. It is almost subliminal, it lasts less than a second and his hard to freeze frame it. But if you do - there are quite a few chuckles to be had. Lorre himself seems to be a real life Sheldon to a point.
    With the above post jogging my memory, I'm recalling a funny one just recently. I can't cut and paste from my TV so for your - hopefully - amusement, he it is re-typed

    Writer Chuck Lorre's footnotes are of indeterminate length and this unfortunately is one of the longer ones.

    Jillian had a urinary tract infection ..... again.

    That sentence appeared in my head a few days ago, just as you see it above. I have no idea what it means, apart from the obvious, and I don't know anyone called Jillian. Regardless, I thought it'd be interesting to begin a vanity card with it (dunno what one of those is) and just see where it goes.

    Jillian had a urinary tract infection ..... again. Her doctor liked to abbreviate it to UTI. She liked to abbreviate it to TMH - Too Much Humping. Regardless, the road back to vaginal happiness was always the same: cranberry juice and abstinence. Thankfully, her boyfriend Dudley, was always very understanding. He'd just smile, hold her in his arms and say, "Well babe, when one door closes, another one opens" She'd always giggle and blush when he say that, but deep down she wished she had the courage to cover his mouth with a chloroformed-soaked rag, and then while he was unconcious, snip off his testicles with the little scissors she uses to groom her Schnauzer.

    All of which explains why the next sentence popped into my head recently.

    Nobody sang Bee Gees songs on karaoke night quite like Dudey

    It's off the wall, and maybe he is off his head on something, but the guy certainly has a unique mind! Sorry for the long post!
     
    #1410

  11. Tamerlo

    Tamerlo Well-Known Member

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    During a house clearance in Ireland yesterday, they found a skeleton hanging in a wardrobe with a medallion around its neck- with the inscription.....
    1932 Irish hide and seek champion.
     
    #1411
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  12. Cyclonic

    Cyclonic Well Hung Member

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    I wasn't sure where to post the clip. Comedy, political, moan etc, but he is a comedian so it's here. <laugh>

     
    #1412
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  13. Cyclonic

    Cyclonic Well Hung Member

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  14. Cyclonic

    Cyclonic Well Hung Member

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  15. Cyclonic

    Cyclonic Well Hung Member

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    No afraid to admit that he wore ****. <laugh>

     
    #1415
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  16. Tamerlo

    Tamerlo Well-Known Member

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    The Best Irish Joke of all time.....


    A man buys a brand new Rolls Royce and decides to take his wife touring around Ireland.

    Driving off the ferry at Dun Laoghaire, he sets off out into the countryside.

    Incredibly, the car breaks down in the middle of nowhere.

    He gets out of the car, shakes his head, and wishes he had a mobile phone.

    He looks out for a telephone box, a house or shop, but there’s nothing...just fields and trees.

    Just then, a voice behind him says...

    “Take the carburettor out, blow through it, put it back, and it will go.”

    Looking round, he sees a horse leaning over the fence.

    “Go on, do what I’ve told you,” shouts the horse.

    The man lifts the bonnet, takes out the carburettor, blows through it, and puts it back.

    He turns the ignition key and the car starts first time.

    The horse trots off and the man drives off, flabbergasted.

    A few miles down the road, he comes to a country bar and decides he needs a stiff drink.

    “Give me a large Scotch,” he says to the barman.

    “Sure you look shaken,” says the barman, handing him his whisky.

    “Yeah, I broke down up the road and this horse in the field told me to blow through my carburettor and my car would go.”

    “Did it go,” replied the barman.

    “Yeah, “ first time.

    “That wouldn’t be a black horse yah talking about, would it?”

    “ Come to think of it, it was!”

    “Well, you’re lucky” retorted the barman.

    “Why?” the man queried.

    “There’s a white horse in that field knows sod all about motor cars!”
     
    #1416
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  17. Cyclonic

    Cyclonic Well Hung Member

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    What a lovely lady. Wonderfully expressive eyes.

     
    #1417
  18. OddDog

    OddDog Mild mannered janitor
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    Hope she had the brown trousers on Cyc <ok>
     
    #1418
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  19. OddDog

    OddDog Mild mannered janitor
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    Akrobeto reads the footy scores - dude <laugh>

     
    #1419
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  20. Ste D

    Ste D Well-Known Member

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