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Off Topic Lighten Up - have a laugh: Warning, may contain Adult Material

Discussion in 'Horse Racing' started by Ron, Oct 31, 2011.

  1. bayernkenny

    bayernkenny Well-Known Member

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    ^^^^^^^

    It's not funny!

    Aye it is!
     
    #1181
  2. Cyclonic

    Cyclonic Well Hung Member

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  3. Cyclonic

    Cyclonic Well Hung Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #1183
    Reebok, Ron, Joe_z and 1 other person like this.
  4. Cyclonic

    Cyclonic Well Hung Member

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    Which sex position produces the ugliest children?


























    Ask you mother. <laugh>
     
    #1184
    Ron, karlos5001 and redcgull like this.
  5. bayernkenny

    bayernkenny Well-Known Member

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    Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson!
     
    #1185
  6. Ron

    Ron Well-Known Member
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    I was in the pub the other night and a skeleton came in. Walked up to the bar and said "Barman, get me a beer and a mop"
     
    #1186
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  7. Ron

    Ron Well-Known Member
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    A guy is walking through the country when he spots a sign that reads, “Talking Horse for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks up to the stable to check it out.

    “So what have you done with your life?” he asks the horse.

    “I’ve led a full life,” the horse answers miraculously. “I was born in The Andes where I herded for an entire village. Years later, I joined the mounted police force in New York and helped keep the city clean. And now, I spend my days giving free rides to underprivileged kids here in the country.”

    The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the horse’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of such an incredible animal?”

    The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
     
    #1187
  8. bayernkenny

    bayernkenny Well-Known Member

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    ^^^^^^^^

    Cheers Ron; great start to a dreich Saturday morning. Rugby, Bundesliga and Spiral coming up!
     
    #1188
  9. Ste D

    Ste D Well-Known Member

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    Process of elimination love!
    Screenshot_20191019-231145_One UI Home.jpg
     
    #1189
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  10. Paulpowersleftfoot

    Paulpowersleftfoot Well-Known Member

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    If you’re ever feeling low then be glad you’re not the person who wrote to Jim’ll Fix It to ask to meet Rolf Harris.
     
    #1190

  11. OddDog

    OddDog Mild mannered janitor
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    I was stood naked in the bedroom window this morning and the wife said "Come away from the window, people will think I married you for your money"
     
    #1191
    Chaninbar, Reebok and karlos5001 like this.
  12. karlos5001

    karlos5001 Well-Known Member

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  13. OddDog

    OddDog Mild mannered janitor
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    Some crackers here

     
    #1193
  14. Cyclonic

    Cyclonic Well Hung Member

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    The Cartoon Head - Stemroach show down. :)

     
    #1194
  15. Cyclonic

    Cyclonic Well Hung Member

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    There's an Aussie Rules coach named Danny Frawley who sadly passed away a few months back.. The clip below is supposed to portray a rant he had when a team he was coaching lost after having a 70 point lead. Some people think that laughter in the back ground points to it being fake, while others swear to it's veracity. Either way, it's a laugh.

     
    #1195
    karlos5001, OddDog and bayernkenny like this.
  16. OddDog

    OddDog Mild mannered janitor
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    WTF is that Cyc? Barmy
     
    #1196
  17. Cyclonic

    Cyclonic Well Hung Member

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    It's UK series called "Ideal" than ran from 2005 until 2011 Oddy. It's a real laugh. Moz is a lazy drug dealer who's always in the ****. The show is about the people who knock on his door each episode. They're as strange as ****. I'd recommend the series to anyone. <laugh>

    e.g.

     
    #1197
  18. Joe_z

    Joe_z Well-Known Member

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    Teacher asks class for a sentence with the word contagious in it.
    First pupil "my mum said when my brother had the measels that it was contagious"
    Second pupil says "my mum said my dad has not to cut the lorne of sausage as it takes the contagious"
     
    #1198
  19. Reebok

    Reebok YTS Mod
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    There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress' ok?" The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and he delivered the line...

    The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cried, "You've ruined me!"

    The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"



    "No you c*nt, you forgot the f*cking rose!"
     
    #1199
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  20. Joe_z

    Joe_z Well-Known Member

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    Little boy asks his dad for a bike for his birthday im sorry says his dad the mortgage is 80 grand and your mum has lost her job.
    The next morning the boy walks out with his suitcase packed, where are you going asks the dad. Boy replies last night i walked past your room and i heard you saying to mam im pulling out she said wait i coming too, so i am not staying here myself with an 80 grand mortgage and no ****ing bike.
     
    #1200
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