Off Topic Lighten Up - have a laugh: Warning, may contain Adult Material

Clearly not a Banksy (no publicity) so is this some student that does not know that they could make a living in the Capitalist world?

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American books into hotel in Donegal says to receptionist he is looking for someone that would play golf with him. He is given Padraigs number, so he calls him and Padraig says he will meet him at 9 the next morning but he might be half an hour late. Next day Padraig arrives at 9 they play a round and Padraig wins playing with left handed clubs. American asks if he can have a rematch Padraig agrees and says he will meet him at 9 next day but might be half an hour late. 9 following morning Padraig arrives with right handed clubs off they go and again Padraig wins. Can i have another game tomorrow says American, no probs says Padraig. Can i ask you Padraig how do you decide whether you will play left or right handed. Well if i wake up and my wife is lying on her right side i play right handed if on her left its left handed. What if she is lying on her back says American. Well then i will be half an hour late.

 

Sorted, beers in the fridge.

 

Padraigs drive on 11th goes off the fairway a couple of feet into the rough as he takes his 5 iron out to have a go for the green up pops a fairy and says to him look if you hit your ball from there you are going to destroy some of the buttercups, take a penalty drop and i will grant you free butter for the rest of your life. Padraig looks at the fairy and says where the **** were you on the 5th when i landed in the pussywillows

 

A guy lands back in a hotel with a lass he managed to pull. He takes off his shoes and socks the girl looks at his feet and says what are they all about he explains his toes being all mixed up is called toeleo. He then takes off his trousers and the girl says what the **** are they knees all about, his right knee is on the outside of his right leg his left on the inside of left leg, oh thats kneesels he says. He drops his boxers the lass looks and says its ok you dont need to explain i can see its smallcocks.

 

The crowd looked as though they couldn't give a flying ****.

 

Pat and Mick go in to join the IRA. Mick is called in to a seperate room where he is handed a gun and told to go out and shoot Pat. I cant be shooting Pat he's my best mate. Well you will have failed the test then. Out he goes and returns to the room 5 minutes later, that gun wisnae working he says, ok yer in Mick now tell Pat to come in now, auch a canny do that sure i strangled him because the gun didnae work.

 

No doubt Cyc will be here asking "What's a jumper?"

 

Somebody who throws himself off a building?

 

I know all about cold mate ... I've seen 6c. ****, it was freezing.

 

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.

Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?' I said ‘No, six should be enough.'

I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn't bother to report it because the thief spends less than my wife.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

 

A football meme built on the back of the "Risitas Las Paelleras" clip.

Pause to read.

https://www.reddit.com/r/LiverpoolF...k_back_on_1819_from_coutinho_to_where_we_are/

 

Shouldnae laugh however there used to be a young lady who sometimes appeared on my bus home from work. All the passengers would look at each other with gritted teeth and straight faces when her pronouncements began:

Oh f**k; ma pants are stuck up ma c**t!

As I remarked ...... you shouldnae laugh.