This video follows the words of the song, 50 Ways To Say Goodbye by San Francisco band Train and features The Hoff. If only they had got in a stuntwoman rather than throwing an inflatable doll down the stairs...
This video for Sugarland’s song Stuck Like Glue has a really good payoff with gorgeous vocalist Jennifer Nettles taking the lead but not quite going as far as boiling bunnies while shaking her tush...
German poet Heinrich Heine left his entire estate to his wife as long as she remarried. His reason. "So there will be at least one person to regret my death."
An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that even his camel died of thirst. He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath, when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered that he had a Manischewitz wine bottle. It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top, and out popped a genie. BUT this was no ordinary Genie. This genie appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, and tzitzis. 'Vell kid,' said the genie, 'you know how it voiks. You got tree vishes.' 'I'm not going to trust you,' says the Arab. 'I'm not going to trust a Jewish genie!' 'Vott you got to lose? Looks to me that you're a gonner anyvay!' The Arab thought about this for a minute, and decided that the genie was right. 'Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis, with plentiful food and drink.' ++****++ The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. 'Okee-dokee kiddo, vat's your second vish?' 'My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams. ++ ****++ The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems. 'Okay kid, you got just vone more vish. Best you should make it a good vone!' After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says, 'I wish that No matter where I go, beautiful women will always need and want me.' ++ **** ++ He was turned into a tampon. AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY If you're an Arab doing business with a Jewish genie, there's going to be a string attached!
Subject: When not to get in a conversation A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading, when the wife turns over at him and says: WIFE:"What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND:"Definitely not!" WIFE:"Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND:"Of course I do..." WIFE:"Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND:"Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE:"You would?"(with a hurt look) HUSBAND:(makes audible groan) WIFE:"Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND:"Sure, it's a great house.." WIFE:"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND:"Where else would we sleep?" WIFE:"Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND:"Probably, it is almost new." WIFE:"Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND:"That would seem like the proper thing to do.." WIFE:"Would you give her my jewellery?" HUSBAND:"No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE:"Would you take her golfing with you? HUSBAND:"Yes, those are always good times." WIFE:"Would she use my clubs? HUSBAND:"No, she's left-handed." WIFE:-- silence-- HUSBAND:"****."
please log in to view this image Labour to be investigated over late 'Ed Stone' receipts Just how financially incompetent can Labour get? Presumably the Ed Miller Band have been buried under the Ed Stone, so that the very few disciples and followers will have a shrine to visit.
Mary had a little pig She kept it fat and plastered. When the price of ham went up She shot the little bastard.
A guy pulls alongside a small boy on the pavement. "I’ll give you some sweets if you get in the car." "No, leave me alone." The boy replies." "Come on, I’ll take you for ice cream later as well." He insists. The boy suddenly stops and turns to the man and says. "**** off Dad, I’m not going to White Hart Lane again no matter what you say."
Every day there is something for which we must be grateful. Today...we are grateful to the photographer that he was not standing on the other side.
Just viewed a house for sale entirely filled with mirrors. I thought, I can really see myself living here.
An Irishmen wanting to become a Priest went to see the Bishop who said "You must answer 3 questions on the Bible". "1st - Who was born in a stable ?" "Red Rum" he replied "2nd - What do you think of Damascus ?" "It kills 99% of all germs" he replied. "3rd - What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive ?" "That’s easy" he said "Popeye kicked the **** out of them!!". Little boy gets home from school and says "Dad, I've got a part in the school play as a man who's been married for 25 years." His Dad replies "Never mind Son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part !!" Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue. Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too." Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now" 3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet ?" "No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday !!"
Last week, a woman checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages." She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a silver dollar off his well oiled bum.... She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call. "Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you? . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready!! Now how does that sound?" He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
Just stumbled across this one by accident on the Google website. Well, I've never heard it before.......... Boxing enthusiast was watching big fight on TV which ended surprisingly with a first round knockout. Wife says "Did you enjoy the fight?" "Nah", replied the man, "real boring, ended in just one minute" "Now you know how I feel", murmured his missus.
Grasshopper walks into a bar. Barman: "Hey we have a drink named after you." Grasshopper: "Jeez that's great, you'd better give me an Bruce then." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, what did you think of the play?
Joke from Uncle Junior in the Sopranos. Husband comes home with a bunch of flowers for his wife. Wife: "I suppose I'll have to open my legs now?" Husband. "Why? Don't we have a vase?"
