Off Topic Lighten Up - have a laugh: Warning, may contain Adult Material

What odds do you reckon QM, for the 1000Gns?

 

Probably been seen before, but still a laugh.

[video=youtube;C4yNTZia1Oc]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4yNTZia1Oc[/video]

 

(clips taken out as they are immediately above)

 

Rémi Gaillard, something of a French anarchist clown, sometimes childish with his pranks, sometimes quite funny. Will have to have a more thorough look on YouTube one of these days:

http://www.dw.de/rémi-gaillard-and-the-law-enforcers/av-17894031

Think I like the 'Rocky' one best, belting the hell out of that chunk of meat in the supermarket.

 

Still laugh at this old one by Rowan Atkinson taking off a C.of E. vicar doing a sermon. Brilliant:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umRRCkspaQU

...."and the crowd went absolutely bananas".......

 

This one gets me Swanny

[video=youtube;JizFAhEpiEc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JizFAhEpiEc[/video]

 

.

 

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the River Thames.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how
You can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age,
We were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down at the car park by the Houses of Parliament.'

'Same here. Hmm.....How do you catch them?'

'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
The car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the **** out of
Them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
Getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the ****
Out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase.

 

Teacher: Ok boys and girls, what noises did we hear at the farm yesterday?

Tommy: Moo.

Julie: Baa.

Bob: Get off that f***in' tractor.

 

Came across some Latvian jokes, of all things. They seem to be all based on bread and potatoes. Quite extraordinary:

Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! “More bread for me,” ....man think. But bread have worm.

Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, “Why so long face?” Latvian say, “I was thinking of my ....daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby. “

Q : What are one potato say other potato? A : Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?

Q : How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? A : 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour .........shift. But time probably better spend search food.

Q: What is happening if you cross Latvian and potato? A: This is cruel joke. please, no more.

.....One day Latvian man is sitting on balcony admiring of potato. Suddenly potato is fall down. Man scream and jump after down for potato, is thinking of heroic deed. Man hit ground and die, potato live. Good man. Good potato. Such is life.

.....Comrades, I have found dasterdly kapitalist tool for weaponized potato.

.....Handy Latvian man see farmer and say, “Your wheelbarrow sound squeaky, I fix for half potato.” Farmer angry because as he say, “This not wheelbarrow, this is wife!”

...and so on and so forth. Very odd.

 

Awww, now they are really funny Swanny. Love the wheel barrow joke, and the two potato one as well.

PS. Pissing myself, I bolted outside and told the missus the jokes, she thought them stupid. She thought it funny that I thought them funny.

 

More Latvian jokes. Just blame Swanny.


Is donate wife family to politburo, politburo give potato!

Latvian walk into bar with pig on shoulder. Bartender say, “That look delicious!” But pig say, “No. Is Latvian. Taste is similar to dog.”

 

Oh dear, what have I done? Cyc, I told my missus a couple of them, and she thought the same as your wife did. Usually, she laughs a lot at the jokes on here, but the Latvian ones blewed-out badly!

 

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Subject : Old Butch the Rooster

Old Butch the Rooster

Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young
pullets, and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot
and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them
to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which
rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just
listening to the bells.
Fred's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this
morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing
pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming,
would run for cover.

To Fred's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't
ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City Show
and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was
the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but
they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a
politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on
our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace
and screwing them when they weren't paying attention