Found this browsing youtube - Dave Chappelle, funny guy [video=youtube;WbS9jZOlQjc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbS9jZOlQjc&feature=relmfu[/video]
Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse. When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go withone teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on totheir 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes and shake them dry. As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said, 'You must be in Grade 3? 'No ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Black Caviar in the next race, but I really appreciate your help.'
Stupid movie cock-ups, but not so stupid as the most powerful man in the world! please log in to view this image please log in to view this image please log in to view this image please log in to view this image please log in to view this image
George, a pretty lousy president, but a truly great (unwitting) comedian............ Living in mainland Europe for many years, I have completely missed the works of the superb animator, Simon Tofield, with his 'Simon's Cat' cartoons. Am now catching-up, so here's my favourite 'Wake Up' (sometimes called 'Cat-Man-Do') as most cats are like this. I am lucky, because my cat only lies on my hip early-on, but does jump on me from a great height beforehand. If I am asleep on my back, however, this can be painful. She is fed regularly at 6 a.m. by yours truly, and does not realise it would be between 9-and-10 a.m. if it was left to the missus: http://www.noob.us/humor/cat-wake-up/
I went into a baker's shop in Glasgow and asked "Is that a pavlova or a meringue?" The baker answered "Nah, yer no wrang, it is a pavlova"
Oddy: Had a bit of trouble understanding Dave Chappelle, but got this OK as was once engaged to a nice lass from Irvine, long long ago, sighhhh................
I was sitting in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!' ........................................................................................................................ Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching tv when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'what would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?' I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please' She replied, 'You're having soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat!' .......................................................................................................... My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking ........ and then I saw her face. .......................................................................................................... The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers ....... so I did.... She's 21 and her name's Lucy.
Check out the one at 3 mins 40 secs with the horse - ouch !! [video=youtube;nIm2dnyJ1Ps]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIm2dnyJ1Ps&feature=related[/video]
"..........'what would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?'.......... Cyc: My missus still laughing at that one. Bit unfair, I'm 1.86m tall and weigh 89kg, well that ain't too bad surely? (However, bloody cat is 3kg and has been since a kitten eight years ago. I'm her chef, so must be doing something right? No respect from better half, so sod it!).
