Prior to doing what I do now ( as little as poss for as much as poss) I worked security on a building site. One night I saw the labourer walking out with a wheelbarrow covered with a blanket. I thought "what's that c*nt got under there?" The next night I saw him again with a wheelbarrow covered with a blanket. I stopped him and said " Eya mate what you got under there?!" I took the blanket off. Nowt f*ckall ! The next night same again. I stopped him but f*ckall not a thing ! This went on for 3 months until they sacked me. When I asked the gaffa why I was sacked it was because 84 wheelbarrow's had gone missing!
I gotta admit, my wife's cooking has seriously improved. Today I had the best slice of soup I've ever had.
This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, its said to be true... John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm... The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped... John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door, only to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on... The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a bend approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the bend, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window and turned the wheel... John, paralysed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him... Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it... Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying and wasn't drunk... Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other... "Look Paddy, there's that f*cking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it"...
