My wife started crying about her weight while we were eating our lunch today I said, "Chin up, love." She said, "Aw, thanks babe. I'm glad I have you to support me." I replied, "No, I mean pull your chin up. It's in your soup."
I once bought a dvd from a spiv in the pub on the promise of goats, long leather boots and nuns. I was disappointed when I got home to find that it was The Sound of Music
Things that old people search for the most: 6% the meaning of life 6% love 6% security 2% marbles 80% car keys
I saw a man crying while mowing his lawn. I said "Is everything okay ?" He replied "I'm just going through a rough patch."
My wife stopped the car today and asked a guy for some directions. "What's the quickest way to get to the town centre?" she asked. "Swap seats with your husband." He said.