I asked my Sister why she's still dating that homeless bloke who thinks he's Elvis? She replied, "I'm courting a tramp, I can't walk out!!.
So i got chatting to this woman at the bus-stop this morning and she told me that people call her Vivaldi... I asked her, "Is that because you’re a brilliant violinist"...? She said, "No, it’s because my name is Viv and i work at Aldi"...
I didn't believe my wife when she said that she wanted to go and see The Monkees in concert in Switzerland. Then I saw her face . . . . now I'm in Geneva.
When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling like honey . . . you know that she's a keeper.