I have always considered keyhole surgery to be dangerous and unnecessary. Why not be in the same room as the patient, rather than operating through a door ?
My wife asked me "do you ever think of me when you masturbate or do you just watch these tarts in filthy pornos?" I said, "love, of course I think of you..." She smiled. "...I think 'why doesn't my wife do what the tarts in this filthy porno are doing?'"
I was summoned to the personnel office yesterday regarding my performance as a theatre set production manager. They said that I was being unproductive and lacking in ideas, so they put me on a warning. I took it in good grace . . . . I didn't make a scene.
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route that they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed that Blondie was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to see what had happened to her. She answered the phone sobbing, and said that she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room ?" the captain asked "Why not ?" The stewardess replied "There are only three doors in here" she cried "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb' "
Another owldy . . . . I started my job at the Samaritans last week. I tried to ring in sick today and the buggers talked me out of it !
My wife turned to me and said, "I'm horny, want to go upstairs?" Smiling, I said, "Definitely!" She replied, "Great. Throw my dildo down while you're up there!"
I went camping last week and when I went outside my tent there was a bear walking about looking for food. Now, I heard that when you see a bear you're supposed to play dead. Anyway, long story short, the bear was a necrophiliac.
Since my wife has started going to the gym to tone up, the sex is unbelievable. Her sister comes round once she's gone.
I couldn’t afford to take the kids to Sea World, so I took them to the fish market and told them that they had to be quiet because the fish were all sleeping.
I haven’t spoken to my wife for weeks . . . . I don’t like to interrupt her. That was shoyte (and old)
