a woman goes to the doctor with concerns over her hubby's temper, the doc says "when he gets angry just have a glass of water,don't swallow it just swill it around" the woman tries the tip for a week and goes back to the doc. "unbelievable doctor it worked a treat,but how can that be, my hubby just calmly walked away after a minute" the doc replied it's nothing to do with the water,it's keeping your mouth shut that does it"
My dentist told me “this may hurt a little bit, are you ready?” I said “yes I’m ready”. He said “I’m sleeping with your lass”.
A young man with his pants hanging half off his arse, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the jobcentre to sign some paperwork. He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just H A T E signing on I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing and all that." The dwp officer behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2015 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes." "Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have to, as part of your job, satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive." The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!" The DWP worker said, "Yeah, well... You started it." .....
If you're wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Let's have a look at the evidence: - No Christmas - No television -No nude women - No football - No pork chops No hot dogs - No burgers - No beer - No bacon - Rags for clothes - Towels for hats - Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower More than one wife More than one mother in law - You can't shave - Your wife can't shave - You can't wash off the smell of donkey You cook over burning camel ****- Your wife is picked by someone else for you - and your wife smells worse than your donkey Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"?? Well no Sh*t Sherlock!.... It's not like it could get much worse.
I bought a suit at the auction of a deceased magician ... ... when I tried it on there was a rabbit in the top hat, a dove in one of the sleeves and Debbie McGee's lipstick on the flies. I liked it but not a lot ...
