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Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

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  1. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    upload_2022-7-11_21-50-50.png
     
    #17481
    Gordon Armstrong, Jul 11, 2022
    Blond Bombshell, Whittylad, spirit of 73 and 5 others like this.
  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A very old lady realizes that she’s seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world.
    After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.
    Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart.
    He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.
    The senior lady hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
     
    #17482
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 12, 2022
    Wooperts_duck, Whittylad, spirit of 73 and 5 others like this.
  3. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    My wife isn't much good at cooking instructions.

    The recipe said 'separate two eggs.' so she put one in the living room and one in the hall.
     
    #17483
    Gordon Armstrong, Jul 12, 2022
    Whittylad, spirit of 73, Montysoptician and 2 others like this.
  4. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    upload_2022-7-12_6-49-13.png
     
    #17484
    Gordon Armstrong, Jul 12, 2022
    Whittylad, Snaggey, spirit of 73 and 3 others like this.
  5. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    upload_2022-7-12_6-49-38.png
     
    #17485
    Gordon Armstrong, Jul 12, 2022
    Whittylad, Draig, spirit of 73 and 4 others like this.
  6. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    upload_2022-7-12_6-50-25.png
     
    #17486
    Gordon Armstrong, Jul 12, 2022
    Whittylad, Snaggey, spirit of 73 and 4 others like this.
  7. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    Last summer I was on holiday with my wife in Vegas.

    On our last night we were having cocktails in the hotel bar when I realised that a rather dapper looking businessman kept looking over and staring at my wife. At first I didn't think anything of it, but when she excused herself to go to the toilet, he stood up and walked over to me.

    "Excuse me for being so rude, but I couldn't help but look at your wife", he said, exuding confidence. "Tell me . . . . are you aware of the film, Indecent Proposal ?"

    "Well y-y-yes", I stammered, trying to mask the excitementin my voice, "Why, are you about to make some kind of offer for one night with my wife ?"

    "No way" he laughed. "I just wanted to tell you that she looks just like Robert Redford"
     
    #17487
    Gordon Armstrong, Jul 12, 2022
    Whittylad, Snaggey, spirit of 73 and 5 others like this.
  8. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    upload_2022-7-12_6-56-29.png
     
    #17488
    Gordon Armstrong, Jul 12, 2022
    Whittylad, Draig, spirit of 73 and 4 others like this.
  9. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    upload_2022-7-12_7-3-36.png
     
    #17489
    Gordon Armstrong, Jul 12, 2022
    Whittylad, Draig, Chunksafc and 6 others like this.
  10. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    upload_2022-7-12_7-8-7.png
     
    #17490
    Gordon Armstrong, Jul 12, 2022
    Whittylad, Draig, spirit of 73 and 1 other person like this.

  11. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    FB_IMG_1657606011310.jpg
     
    #17491
    Gil T Azell, Jul 12, 2022
    Whittylad, Makemstine Roger, spirit of 73 and 1 other person like this.
  12. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    FB_IMG_1657606143514.jpg
     
    #17492
    Gil T Azell, Jul 12, 2022
    Whittylad, Snaggey, Makemstine Roger and 5 others like this.
  13. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #17493
    Gordon Armstrong, Jul 12, 2022
    Blond Bombshell, Whittylad, Draig and 3 others like this.
  14. gelders pie

    gelders pie Well-Known Member

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    The Dave Allen take on teaching kids the time is class
    Edit …. now scrolled down and see you’ve done it . I saw him live doing this - hysterical
     
    #17494
    gelders pie, Jul 12, 2022
    Whittylad, Makemstine Roger, spirit of 73 and 2 others like this.
  15. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    I was in the queue at the bank when suddenly a dyslexic guy burst in shouting "get the stick down . . . . this is a **** up"
     
    #17495
    Gordon Armstrong, Jul 12, 2022
    Whittylad, Draig, Chunksafc and 2 others like this.
  16. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    I'm considering taking the makers of pot noodle to court under the trades description act . . . I had eight of them yesterday and wasn't anywhere near to being stoned.
     
    #17496
    Gordon Armstrong, Jul 12, 2022
    Whittylad, Draig, spirit of 73 and 2 others like this.
  17. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    This looks pretty discreet . . . .
    please log in to view this image
     
    #17497
    Gordon Armstrong, Jul 12, 2022
    Whittylad, Draig, spirit of 73 and 1 other person like this.
  18. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    FB_IMG_1657625742999.jpg
     
    #17498
    Gil T Azell, Jul 12, 2022
    Blond Bombshell, Whittylad, Makemstine Roger and 4 others like this.
  19. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #17499
    Gordon Armstrong, Jul 12, 2022
    Whittylad, Draig, Chunksafc and 2 others like this.
  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A bloke from Yorkshire goes to a jewellers. He says..... "can tha mek a gold statue o mi dog" ?

    Jeweller replies......"Aye cocka I reckon I can, dus tha wannit eighteen carat?"

    Bloke replies " na ya datf get, I wannit chowing a bone !!!"
     
    #17500
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 12, 2022
    Wooperts_duck, master-simpson, Draig and 3 others like this.
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