Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

"Mom," he said, "the other boys at school are using two words I don't understand. Can you tell me what they mean?"
"Certainly," Mom said. "What are they?"
"Pussy and bitch.."
Mom inhaled sharply, but recovered quickly.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "A pussy is a cat, like our little Chico. A bitch is a female dog, like our Sandy."
Craig thanked his mother, and ran out the door. But something about his mother's explanation bothered him.
So he sought out his father. Dad was in the garage. "Dad," Craig said, "the guys at school are using words I don't understand."
"What words, son?"
"Pussy and bitch. I asked Mom, but I don't think she told me the right meanings."
"Son, never ask your mother about these things. Ask me. Let me explain what they mean for you. "He pulled a Playboy from his workbench, turned to the centerfold and drew a circle around the pubic area.

"Everything inside the circle is pussy," he said.
"Okay, Dad. Then what's a bitch?"
"Everything outside the circle."

 

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time she attempted the step, and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body!
I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times,

I kinda figured we was friends."

 

A man walks into a bar and sees an attractive woman sitting by herself and asks,
"May I buy you a cocktail?"
"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."
"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"


"No, they spread."

 

Make sure that your laces are tied, Lewis . . . . you wouldn't want to trip up and look like a bellend !

 

I was in bed with a woman and she commented about what a huge cock I had . . . . unfortunately, she was pulling my leg !

 

What's more . . . . they've been a round forever

 

please log in to view this image

 

Just realised I've been confused for years by TV detective programmes.

When they'd say the suspect was a male Caucasian I thought it was strange that so many Pakistani fellas from southern Ireland were committing all these crimes

 

o
So how are you supposed to defrost them then

 

Is warm ones still ok?

 

This morning on the motorway,
I looked over to my right and there was a
Women

In a brand new VW !!

Doing 75mph

With her
Face up next to her

Rear view mirror

Putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away

For a couple seconds

And when I looked back she was
Halfway over in my lane,

Still working on that makeup.
As a man,

I don't scare easily...

But she scared me so much;
I dropped

My electric shaver,

Which knocked

The meat pie

Out of my other hand.

In all
The confusion of trying

To straighten out the car

Using my knees against
The steering wheel,

It knocked

My Mobile phone
Away from my ear

Which fell

Into the coffee

Between my legs,

Splashed,

And burned

Big Jim and the Twins,

Ruined the phone,

Soaked my trousers,

And disconnected an

Important call.

BL00DYwomen drivers!!

 

A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer.


I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick.

 

A lesbian goes to her gynaecologist.

He says 'Madam, that is the cleanest vagina I have ever seen'

She says 'Thank you, I have a woman in twice a week'