Surely abandoned tents from Glastonbury (and other festivals) should be collected by a charity and given to poor, obese newcastle lasses to wear . . . .
I woke up this morning in a right mood after a session on the ale, and the wife said "well you have clearly woken up on the wrong side of the bed" I said "Just shut the **** up,and get this mattress off me"
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the bonnet of her Honda Civic, but I refused . . . . if I’m going to have sex it’s going to be on my own Accord. She said "but it's your Civic duty"