I can't believe what I saw in McDonald's today. An old man ordered one burger, fries and a drink. He unwrapped the burger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries dividing them into two piles placing one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then put the cup in between them. As he began to eat his few bites of burger the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously thinking 'That poor old couple, all they can afford is one meal between them.' A young lad came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the couple. The old bloke said "We are just fine, just used to sharing everything" a People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young lad came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old lady said 'No thank you love, we are used to sharing everything.' Finally, as the old fella finished wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young lad again went over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of foodand asked 'What is it you are waiting for?' She answered "The teeth"
SEX AFTER DEATH!!! A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all. After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Kris, Kris, can you hear me?" "Is that you, Frank?" "Yes, I've come back as we agreed." "That's wonderful! What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again." "Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?" "No -- I'm a f*cking rabbit somewhere in Scotland"
A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital. After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested that the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp. The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous he couldn't rise to the occasion. 'If neither of you object' the medic said 'I could give it a try.' Under the circumstances, the husband and wife both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrusts continued for several long minutes. 'Hey, what the hell is happening?' 'Change of plans!' panted the physician. 'I'm going to drown the little bastard!'
A woman gets cheated on by her husband. Devastated, she doesn't know how to continue to live her life. She hears that there's a very wise monk who lives up in a mountain, and decides to go there to consult him. After a few days of traveling she reaches the top and meets the wise monk. "I have spent my whole life with him, my youth was dedicated to support him, take care of him. And now he's left me for another woman. My life is stolen, and I'm left with nothing. I don't know what to do". The monk gives her a cookie and asks her to eat it. After she finishes eating, he asks: "Is the cookie delicious?" "Yes"- she answers. "Do you want another one?" "Sure, please". The monk looks her in the eyes and say's "Do you see the problem now?" The woman thinks for a while, and then slowly speaks. "I guess human nature is greedy. You got one, then you want more, maybe a new one, bigger one. It's never enough. And nothing lasts forever, anything is impermanence. We should be aware and not disappointed for that". The monk shakes his head "No, I mean stop eating biscuits you fat cùnt."
Got sent a photo from a speed camera through the post, I've sent it back it was very poor quality and way to expensive
when she was asked about the sunni and shia situation, diane abbott apparently said....."i'm pretty sure he's dead but 'i got you babe' was quite a catchy song"
