1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2011
    Messages:
    65,106
    Likes Received:
    151,483
    I was working nights on a building site.

    The only help I had was from some nocturnal mammal scaffolders ...

    ... they were acrobats <laugh>
     
    #16561
  2. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    26,197
    Likes Received:
    115,863
  3. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    26,197
    Likes Received:
    115,863
    I used to work at a cat sanctuary.

    I had to quit because they cut meowers down.....
     
    #16563
  4. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    26,197
    Likes Received:
    115,863
  5. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    26,197
    Likes Received:
    115,863
    I bought a new SatNav and it's really good.

    Yesterday I drove past a Zoo and it said bear left.

    Now that's clever.
     
    #16565
  6. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    26,197
    Likes Received:
    115,863
  7. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    26,197
    Likes Received:
    115,863
  8. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    26,197
    Likes Received:
    115,863
  9. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    26,197
    Likes Received:
    115,863
  10. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    26,197
    Likes Received:
    115,863

  11. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    26,197
    Likes Received:
    115,863
  12. Oliver's Army

    Oliver's Army Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2019
    Messages:
    32,325
    Likes Received:
    62,489
  13. Dunder Mifflin

    Dunder Mifflin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2019
    Messages:
    2,719
    Likes Received:
    6,376
    Why are married men heavier than single men?

    Single men come home, see what’s in the fridge and go straight to bed.

    Married men come home, see what’s in the bed and go straight to the fridge.
     
    #16573
  14. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    26,197
    Likes Received:
    115,863
  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,194
    Likes Received:
    147,668
    An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
    His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
    He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
    "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
    "Here boy" he replies.
     
    #16575
  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,194
    Likes Received:
    147,668
    A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET.
    HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP.

    THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK..
    BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.


    HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE."


    BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MUMMY... I JUST HAVEN'T DONE IT YET."


    MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"
    BILLY SAYS:
    "IT WORKS ON THE TOMATO SAUCE BOTTLE!"
     
    #16576
    Wooperts_duck, Draig and spirit of 73 like this.
  17. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,194
    Likes Received:
    147,668
    Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
    A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausages?"
    The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?"
    The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am, but let me ask you something...
    If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
    Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
    Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
    Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
    Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"
    The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
    The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, whydid you ask me if I'm Irish?"
    The assistant replied, "Because you're in ikea ."
     
    #16577
  18. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,194
    Likes Received:
    147,668
    A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
    The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some booze with it instead of dinner?"
    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
    "Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
    "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
    "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
    The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
    The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf.
     
    #16578
    Wooperts_duck, Draig, Snaggey and 2 others like this.
  19. Dunder Mifflin

    Dunder Mifflin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2019
    Messages:
    2,719
    Likes Received:
    6,376
  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    69,194
    Likes Received:
    147,668
    please log in to view this image
     
    #16580

Share This Page