One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth. "£80" the dentist says. "That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?" "Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can knock the price down to £60." "Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much." "Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to £20." "Marvellous," says the man, "book my wife for next Tuesday
My wife turned to me during her mother's funeral today and hissed under her breath "When we get home I'm going to make you pay for this !" This just came out of the blue, and for the life of me I couldn't think of what I had done to annoy her so much. Then it struck me . . . . maybe it's because I wasn't sharing my popcorn.
A Wurzel farmer who wants a divorce goes to see a lawyer. The farmer says "Oi wants to get wan of them dayvorces". Lawyer..."Do you have grounds? Farmer... "Yes, I gots me 40 acres". Lawyer "No, you dont understand, do you have a suit?" Farmer..."Yes, oi wears it to church on Sundays". Lawyer..."No, I mean do you have a grudge? Farmer..."Yes, that's where I park the tractor". Lawyer..."Would you say your wife beats you up?" Farmer..."No, we both get up at 5.30". Lawyer gets annoyed and tries one last question..."Well is your wife a nagger then?... "No, she's white, but the baby's a nagger, that's why I wants a fuggin dayvorce!!
To all the people who were convinced Tina Turner had moved into my spare room last week, just to clarify folks, she was simply the guest
