Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

I'm pleased to say that, despite my age, my brain is absolutely West Bromwich Ambulance and twice on Thursday.

 

Never heard of him but he looks a decent lad. He has a look of being normal.

 

If there were more like him politics would be a great deal more reasonable, he'll never be leader because he doesn't tell jokes and isn't a character.

Emily Thornberry is someone else who seems genuine and caring.

 

Every time I get money from a cash point I chuckle and say 'suckers' just loud enough for the queue to hear me ...

... the panic on their faces is hilarious

 

There were two gay men in the bathroom at their home, and one was putting Vaseline on his chest.
The other gay man asked him, “Why are you putting Vaseline on your chest?”
The first gay man replied, “Didn’t you know that Vaseline helps you grow hair on your chest?”
The other gay man said, “Well if that was a proven fact, then you should have a ponytail growing out of your ass!”

 

A woman sitting in an Adelaide pub suddenly began to cough. After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, and two locals, Bluey and Bazza sitting at the next table turned to look at her.

"Ken ya swaller?" asked Bluey. The woman signalled "No!" desperately shaking her head.

"Kin ya breathe?" asked Bazza. The woman shook her head "No!!"

With that, Bluey walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her bottom.

This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.

Bluey swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.

Bazza said in admiration "Ya know Bluey, I'd heard of that bloody Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it!"

 

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat,” agreed to look after her neighbor's male dog while the neighbor was on vacation.
She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
As she was drifting off to sleep, that night, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds.
She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, unable to disengage.
Unable to separate them, and even though it was very late, she called her vet, who answered with a very grumpy voice.
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it on the floor alongside the dogs.
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and they will be able to separate."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked for me," he replied.

 

I've just been given two weeks to live.


The wife's gone away for a fortnight.

 

I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"

One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you idiot!"

So I apologised and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"

And that's the last thing I remember

 

Probably in poor taste given what;s going on...

Why should you never wear ukrainian underpants?
Because Chernobyl Fallout