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Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    [Dating]
    Women: *shave legs. do hair. Makeup. new shoes. matching purse. perfume*
    Men: Getting the beer stains out of the front of this shirt...
     
    #15581
  2. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    I was trying to get home in time for the football the other night, but I was being held up by a learner driver.
    She was driving really slowly and kept stalling. "Come on you stupid tw*t!" I shouted. "Get a ****ing move on!"
    She started crying and said it would be her last lesson with me!
     
    #15582
  3. one gary owers

    one gary owers Well-Known Member

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    A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground

    laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
     
    #15583
  4. one gary owers

    one gary owers Well-Known Member

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    I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail.

    I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'
     
    #15584
  5. one gary owers

    one gary owers Well-Known Member

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    Sally was in the Fox and Hounds at Newbridge last Saturday night, when this really ugly looking guy walked into the bar.
    She told me later: "The wierdo came over to the bar and pinched my bum. Then he had the nerve to demand, 'Give me your number, sexy.'"
    I replied, "Have you got a pen?"
    He smiled and said, "Yes."
    I replied, "Well you better get back to it, before the farmer notices you're missing."
     
    #15585
  6. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    My wife just heard the ice-cream van outside and said, "Any chance of buying me one?"
    "No," I said. "You can't even drive."
     
    #15586
  7. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    My car's fan belt snapped and I had no money on me to buy another.
    Luckily though, there was a pair of the girlfriends tights in the glove compartment.
    A quick w*nk soon took my mind off how skint I am.
     
    #15587
    Nordic, Draig, spirit of 73 and 5 others like this.
  8. one gary owers

    one gary owers Well-Known Member

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    Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

    Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
     
    #15588
  9. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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  10. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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  11. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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  12. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  13. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
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  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    My wife came back from shopping, she said.. “I’ve just seen my gynaecologist in Tescos and he recognised me!”

    I said.. “you’ll have to start wearing longer skirts!”
     
    #15595
    rooch 3, Draig and spirit of 73 like this.
  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  17. LAMackem

    LAMackem Well-Known Member

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    Gone home twice like this :)
     
    #15597
    Makemstine Roger and rooch 3 like this.
  18. LAMackem

    LAMackem Well-Known Member

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    Gone home twice like this :)
     
    #15598
    Makemstine Roger and rooch 3 like this.
  19. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  20. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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