Police pulled me over the other day and when I opened the window he asked me to identify myself. I looked in the mirror and said "yeah that's me"
A blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to dye her hair so she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she went for a drive in the country. After driving for a while she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought "Oh . . . . those sheep are so adorable" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said "If I can guess how many sheep you've got, can I take one home ?" The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said that she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed "157" The farmer was amazed that she was right ! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car, but before she left, the farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real colour of your hair, can I have my dog back ?"
I was at a motorway services earlier and saw a sign that read "McDonalds 24 hours over bridge" I thought "who would walk that far for a Happy Meal.
Two flies sitting on a piece of ****. One says to the other “Alright Dave . . . . I haven’t seen you for a while ?” “Yeah” says Dave “I’ve been on the sick.”
I was driving along in my car when my boss rang, and he said 'You've been promoted.' which made me swerve. Then he rang a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' and I swerved again. He rang a third time and said: 'You're now managing director.' and I went into a tree. A policeman arrived and said 'What happened to you ?' and I said 'I careered off the road.'
