Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

please log in to view this image

 

Whitburn Golf Club

 

please log in to view this image

 

please log in to view this image

 

Sheila, the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor.
Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband Bruce. 'Bruce, Bruce' she yelled.
Bruce came running in.
'Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor' she said.
'Strewth' Bruce said and tried to pull her up. 'You're stuck fast girl.
I'll go across the road and get Frank.
They came back and they both tried to pull her up.
'No way. We can't do it, let's try Plan B.' Frank said.
'Plan B?' exclaimed Bruce. 'What's that'?
'I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we can break the tiles under her and release the vacuum.' replied Frank.
'Spot on' Bruce said. 'While you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her tits.'
'Play with her tits'? Frank said, 'Not exactly a good time for that mate?'
'No' Bruce replied, 'But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive'

 

A father and son walk past a brothel and the son asks "Dad, what is this place?"
Father "It`s a happyhouse, where you can buy some happiness."
The next day the son goes to the happyhouse, rings the bell and the Madam opens the door.
The boy says "Hello, I have £8 and want to buy some happiness."
The Madam escorts him to the kitchen and prepares 8 slices of bread with honey.
Later that day dad comes home from work and finds his son exhausted on the couch and asks "What`s wrong ?"
Son "I went to the happyhouse today, but the best that I could do was 5, and the last 3 I only licked."

 

I use a rolled up pair of walking socks.