The wife and I were watching a movie the other night and she fell asleep ! Flat out she was , I didn’t have the heart to wake her up . I did however have to drive back to the cinema to pick her up the next day!!
Whenever I see a woman driving a bus I smile and think about how far we as a society have come in equality. And then I wait for the next one
I had to go to the doctors today with a fatty lump on my arm. The wife won't let me go anywhere by myself.
I asked my wife to pretend she was a schoolgirl for our anniversary.......... she brought a note from her mum saying she had a headache.
Late one night a woman phones the police and says she can hear 2 burglars downstairs in her house, the woman on the line says sorry dear but we have no cars in the area and we're all busy, just sit quietly and someone will get to you as soon as they can, the woman puts the phone down and rings back a minute later and says it's ok no rush now I've shot the burglars, Within a minute there's 6 cop cars outside her house and the police helicopter flying above, the police storm the house and catch the burglars, whilst taking them out One copper says I thought you said you had shot them, to which the woman replied, and I thought you were all busy
A blonde was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1,000 feet to see how you're doing." At 1,000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2,000 feet, he said she was still doing well. Right before she got to 3,000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground. The instructor ran to where she crashed and pulled her out of the helicopter. He asked her, "What went wrong?" The blonde said, "At 2,500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off.
At a Glasgow Pub Quiz, the final question to win £1000 pounds is: "Take That's first Album had a four word title, the first two words were, "Take That, what were the second two?" After a lengthy silence a wee Glesga man stands up and says.." was it.... Ya Bastard?"
