** Warning Warning Warning ** If You Have A Dog Blanket And A David Bowie Cushion Then Please Remember To Wash Them Separately Otherwise You Are Likely To Forget They Are Together. You Then Have To Wash Your Boxers and Tracksuit Bottoms And Half A Soiled Tee-Shirt When You Absolutely Scare The F*cking Sh*it Out Of Yourself Seeing This. Trust me. Many Thanks ..
I got a bird back to mine, and I was struggling to remove her underwear when she said "you haven't removed many bra's have you" I said "what's giving you that impression" She said "the scissors, mainly"
Top Tip: MOTORISTS. Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital and timidly asked "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing ?" The operator said "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient ?" The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said "Norma Findlay . . . . Room 302." The operator replied "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room." After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said "I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back normal, and her Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow." The grandmother said "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news." The operator replied "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter ?" The grandmother said "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. Nobody tells me anything."
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10. a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow." Later the next morning, the son found$110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, “Each pill was$10, not $110.""I knew that," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma"
