Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

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I'm in trouble with Mrs. A. . . . . she asked me to get her 8 cans of Sprite, but I only picked 7up.

 

An undercover cop called at my farm...
“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said.

“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.

The cop exploded, saying “Do you know who the f*ck I am?! I have the authority of the government with me!”, he shouted before pulling a badge out of his back pocket, “Do you see this f*cking badge?! This badge means I can do what I want and I’ll go wherever the f*ck I want, have I made myself clear?!”

I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short while later, I hear loud screams, looked up and saw the cop running for his life being chased by my angry bull. With each step, the bull was gaining ground and he seemed sure to be gored before he reached safety. The officer looked terrified and continued to run for his life.

I threw down my tools, immediately ran to the edge of the fence and shouted at the top of my lungs,

“Your badge, show him your f*cking badge!”

 

A Cornish farmer who wants a divorce goes to see a lawyer. The farmer says "Oi wants to get wan of them dayvorces" Lawyer..."Do you have grounds? Farmer... "Yes, I gots me 40 acres" Lawyer "No, you dont understand, do you have a suit?" Farmer..."Yes, oi wears it to church on
Sundays" Lawyer..."No, I mean do you have a grudge? Farmer..."Yes, that's where I park the tractor" Lawyer..."Does your wife beat you up?" Farmer..."No, we both get up at 5.30" Lawyer gets annoyed & tries one last question..."Is your wife a nagger?...

"No, she's white, but the baby's a nagger, that's why I wants a f*ckin dayvorce!!