down at the chinese chippy last night i was conversing with the owner who said he had just bought "a crows shop" i said you mean a clothes shop mr jin, your english isn't getting much better i said cheerily.... he replied no crows shop, see come take a rook
Y-e-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a! A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a spine-chilling "Y-e-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Y-e-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered. "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
The wife was complaining that she couldn't sleep with my snoring. So I went to the Pharmacist and bought this new snoring mask, its great! You can wrap it on your wife's face and you can't hear her complain.
For her birthday I took my girlfriend to an orchard where we stood looking at trees for half an hour.. Not the Apple Watch she was expecting apparently
Teacher: "Johnny, can you use the word “gruesome” in a sentence?" Johnny: "Yes ma’am, I used to be shorter, then I gruesome."
I came runner-up in an anagram competition after failing on the last one. Oh well . . . . it's no use crying over limp kilts.
Woman goes to the Doctors and says "I'm getting too much discharge". Doctor says "Pop your knickers off and slip onto the bed". He puts on his latex gloves and applies 3 fingers into her va*ina. "How does that feel?" he asks. "Fuc*king lovely" she replies "But the discharge is in my ear!"
