He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again...... back and forth... back and forth..... in and out....... She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back. She was getting near to the end. Her heart was pounding..... her face was flushed..... Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder. Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted, "Okay, Okay! I can’t park the car!!! You do it, you b*stard!!!"
I've been studying clinical male depression for 7 years now, and I have finally figured out that most have a common trait. They got married.
Had a check up at the doctor’s this morning and the first thing he asked was, "Do you drink a lot?" I said, "The occasional pint, doc. Why do you ask?" He said, "This urine sample's got a head on it."
A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it. Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's bum was that eye staring right back at him. "You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me.
A Geordie golfer and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The Geordie said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry. I have two mates sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already... I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!' The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?" The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Pet, and show him"
"There's a guy on the phone who says that he's Jamaican, but he sounds Scottish" said my secretary. "That'll be Jim Aitken" I said. "Put him through."
