Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

These air fryers take bloody ages.

 

I’m smashing dry January so far

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I'm fuming !

Sorry, but I need to vent!!!
I experienced the WORST customer service today at a shop in town. I don't want to mention the name of the shop because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed, but last night I bought something from this shop, paying cash for it, I took it home and it didn't work.

So today, less than 24 hours later, I took it back to the shop and asked if I could have a refund. The girl in the shop said “no” even though I still had the receipt. I asked if I could have a replacement instead, and again this person said "no" so I asked to talk to a manager 'cos I was really not happy and I explained that I had just bought the item, took it home and it didn't work.
The manager just smiled and told me to my face that I was "out of luck"
No refund, and no replacement.
I'll tell you what . . . . I am NEVER buying another Lottery Ticket from there again

 

I Just heard a Doctor on the radio saying that during this time of Coronavirus, while staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things that we start and we could all have more calm in our lives. I looked through my house to find things that I'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a boddle of Scotch, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box or too ov choclits. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss, an telum that u luvum, and two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!!!

 

I was hoovering my flat today and did what every single man on this planet has done at least once when hoovering.
I looked at the hoover, and then looked at my penis, then I looked at my hoover and then my penis, and thought to myself, hang on a f*cking second, I've got a penis, why the f*ck am i doing the hoovering!

 

My New Year's resolution is to stop smoking, and to stop w*nking. I'm down to 20 a day, but I can't do anything about the cigs.

 

Ive made a big decision this morning!!
ive given up alcohol, takeaways and junk food till 2023 ..........
It's 17.08 now, so only 3 in a bit hours to go. hours to go!!!

 

Dry January is going well so far. These new incontinence pants are working a treat.

 

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A bloke from Yorkshire goes to a jewellers and says "can tha mek a gold statue o mi dog ?"

Jeweller replies "Aye cocka, I reckon that I can . . . . does tha wannit eighteen carat?"

Bloke replies "naa ya dafty, I wannit chewing a bone !"