I was reading the dosage instructions on my wifes new antibiotic prescription. "F*cking hell," I said, "You're going to struggle to take these." "Why?" she asked. "Its just two tablets, four times a day." " 'On an empty stomach' ?" I quoted.
Every year I get invited to Christmas dinner with the same group of annoying people. I wish I could say no but they're my wife and child.
I was out today to get my wife's Xmas present. Does anyone know roughly how many sheet's of wrapping paper you need for an ironing board?
The plane was about to crash - the pilot called out, "Anyone on this plane believe in the power of prayer?" A vicar's hand went straight up. "Thank f*ck for that!" said the pilot. "We're one parachute short."
My mate was sat on the side of his bed last night pulling off his boxers and his wife walked in and said, “You spoil those dogs!”
I’ve just took the wife’s prezzies from the normal hiding place under the stairs and found a wrapped one I forgot to give her last year!!! Such a shame, she would’ve loved that kitten
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with John Lennon. I thought, so this is Christmas
Parents: Show your kids the true meaning of Christmas by having your credit card bills addressed to them.
