Advice that could save your life . . . . if you are having a heated argument in the kitchen with your better half and she pulls a knife and starts waving it about and threatening you, stay calm, don't panic and calmly find the bread & butter and some cheese. Her natural instincts will kick in, and she will make you a sarnie instead
I went to a seaside museum the other day and looked at postcards from through the ages . . . . they were okay, but nothing to write home about.
This evening I’ve been invited to join a very exclusive Christmas Carol singing group along with Bing Crosby, Don Henley, Mary Hopkin and Lee Marvin. So it’s Bing, Don, Mary, Lee and I
Four old-timers named Roy , Charlie , Rodney and Dave were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked about how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it, we'll make it a priority, work out a way and meet here early on Christmas morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy, this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the Cruise that I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe that you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the arse and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for either sex or golf' and she said 'Take a gansey'