My wife asked me to put tomato ketchup on the shopping list that I was writing out... I can't read a f*cking word now!
The owld ones . . . . Six men were playing poker when one of them had a heart attack and died. The rest drew straws to see who would tell his wife. One man draws the shortest straw and reluctantly goes to his friend’s house to tell the wife. Nervously, the man says to her “Your husband lost some money in the poker game and is afraid to come home.” The wife says "Tell him to drop dead!" The man responds "Okay, I'll go and tell him."
