Apparently If You Shave Your Cock & Balls , It Makes You Look At Least An Inch Bigger. What A Load Of ****e, Ive Just Done It And I'm Still Only 5ft 6.
Kids know far too much these days. Today in the doctors waiting room, i saw a girl playing with her barbie and ken dolls imitating the doggie position. I told her "you will end up with little baby dolls if you keep doing that". She replied i dont think so dickhead. Hes doing her up the arse
The Vicar's Salary At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave because he is so popular. Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their children!' The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds. Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education for all of his children!' More sighs and loud applause. Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free sex.' There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks her: 'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you to say that?' Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking His head from side to side, while his wife replies 'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, '**** him'.
A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, Marches into a pharmacy. Very carefully he opens his sporran And pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, Unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, Which he also unfolds - To reveal a condom. The condom has a number of patches on it. The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically. How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist. "Six pence" says the chemist. "How much for a new one?" "Ten pence" says the chemist. The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the Silk square handkerchief And the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, And marches out of the door, Shoulders back and kilt swinging. A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, Followed by an even greater shout. The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists And addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face. "The regiment has taken a vote," he says. We'll have a new one."
