A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest The first to crack open a beer and say, "F*ck it." is the smartest.
My wife just sent me a message saying: “helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative” What does ‘ternative’ mean?
I would like to congratulate my daughter on passing her mouth organ exam . . . . well done our Monica.
New A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A police officer was approaching , thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse." As he got closer, it became apparent that she really WAS hanging out. When the officer came face to face with the woman, he said, "Miss, are you aware that I could arrest you for indecent exposure?" "Why, officer?" the woman asked. "Well," said the officer, "Your right breast is hanging out of your blouse." The woman quickly looked down and exclaimed, "OMG, I left the baby on the bus!"
What's the difference between an American and a Saudi-Arabian girl? The American girl gets stoned before sex.
Apparently London Mayor Sadiq Khan gets two turds sent to him through the post each week! What I'd like to know is who sends the other one?
