Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

I’m sure I’ve read that one before just recently.

 

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My boss phoned me today.

He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"

I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."

"Can you do me a favour?" he asked.

I said, "Of course, what is it?"

He said, "Hurry up and take your shot, I'm behind you on the 7th hole."

 

I had an exam at my art class where I had to recreate a Jackson Pollock ...

... I passed with flying colours.

 

"Hello. My name is Simon and I can't stop myself using Johnson's baby powder. Honestly, the bathroom looks like the fallout from Hiroshima most mornings, it's..." "I'm sorry, but I think your in the wrong meeting. Talcoholics anonymous is next week."

 

"Hello. My name is Simone and I have had Johnson's baby material courtesy of spermaholics

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I hope your well on the way to recovery my fine fellow.

 

It's a very slow, and frustrating, process, Gil, but I'm considerably better than I was during my 'short break' in the R.V.I. and I'm counting my blessings 'cos with the injuries that I sustained it could have been a lot worse

 

Paddy went to the train station and asked the ticket office for a one way ticket to jeopardy.

The clerk said there's no such place.

Paddy replied, look, it said on the news last night there's 3000 jobs in jeopardy and i want to get there NOW!!.

 

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council complaints
1 ) My bush is really overgrown round the front , and my back passage has fungus growing in it ...
2 ) He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore ...
3 ) ... it's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow ...
4 ) I want some repairs done to my cooker , as it has backfired and burnt my knob off ...
5 ) I wish to complain that
my father hurt his ankle very badly , then he put his foot in the large hole in his back passage ...
6 )...And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence ...
7 ) I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof ...
I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off ...
8 ) My lavatory seat is cracked , where do I stand .. ?
9 ) I am writing on behalf of my sink , which is coming away from the wall ...
10 ) Will you please send someone to mend the garden path ...! ?
My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday , and now she is pregnant ...
11 ) I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen ...
12 ) 50% of the walls are damp , 50% have crumbling plaster , and 50% are plain filthy ...
13 ) I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers ...
14 ) The toilet is blocked , and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared ...
15 ) Will you please send a man to look at my water ; it is a funny colour , and not fit to drink ...
16 ) Our lavatory seat is broken in half , and is now in three pieces ...
17 ) I want to complain about the farmer across the road ;
every morning at 6am , his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me ...
18 ) The man next door has a large erection in the back garden , which is unsightly and dangerous ...
19 ) Our kitchen floor is damp ... We have two children and would like a third , so please send someone round to do something about it ...
20 ) I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night ...
21) Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife ...
22 ) I have had the Clerk of Works down on the floor six times , but I still have no satisfaction ...
23 ) This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken , and we can't get BBC2 ...